TMZ delivered some truly devastating news this morning that has rocked the playground social scene of NYC. The grand dame of the Manhattan prep school scene has been tragically forced to give up her throne and move all the way to California. The private school girls of Manhattan are so lost today and they don’t know what to do. Is this season about wearing red quilted Chanel ballet flats with their school uniform or are they supposed to wear navy patent leather Louis Vuitton Mary Jane kitten heels with their school uniform? How can they go on without their queen to guide them? And of course, this is all Katie Holmes’ fault.
According to TMZ, Katie has pulled Suri Cruise out of NYC and has moved them both to L.A. Expect Suri’s Burn Book to have a lot more “like, yeahs” in it, because Katie bought a 6,000 square foot house in Calabasas, CA for almost $4 million. Katie wanted to keep the whole thing on the hush (read: she didn’t want those crazy whores at Scientology to find out) so she made everyone involved in the purchase of the house sign a confidentiality agreement and they agreed to pay $1 million if they violated that shit. Katie moved her and Suri back to CA, because she wants to get better movie roles and thinks she needs to be near Hollywood to do so. Katie also thinks that Calabasas is a good place to raise Suri.
Sometimes when Katie “thinks,” bad things happen (see: signing up for Jack and Jill and moving Suri to Calabasas). I mean, Calabasas is the home turf of the Kartrashians! Do they even have an appointment-only Lanvin Kids boutique in L.A.? Someone should go ahead and file a child abuse claim with the county before things go too far and what I mean by that is before Suri is forced to go to Dash to shop for a dress for her school’s 3rd grade winter ball. Wait, do private schools in Calabasas even have 3rd grade winter balls? What have you done Katie? What you have done???
Well, it could’ve been worse. Suri could’ve been forced to live with Tommy Girl.
Speaking of, here’s TG and his brown Ellen DeGeneres hair ruling the set of Mission Impossible 5 in Vienna, Austria yesterday.