By now, we all know that Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon aren’t living together because their love is deader than dead and that it’s really only a matter of time before Mimi releases a dozen glitter-dipped strawberry-scented pink butterflies in a miniature Hello Kitty hot air balloon from her boudoir window to signal that her marriage is officially over. But until she finishes teaching the smartest butterfly how to operate a hot air balloon, she’s told Nick to keep his goddamn mouth shut regarding the whole thing.
TMZ says that Mimi is pissed that Nick ran his mouth to The Insider about their marriage, so she had her lawyer get together with Nick’s lawyer and draw up a confidentiality agreement preventing him from talking. Yes, it’s that one-sided; Mariah is too busy being an elegant princess-cut pink sapphire to gossip to the press about her impending divorce. But everyone knows that fucking Kim Kardashian puts you at risk for catching a major case of second-hand stupid, so Mimi thought it was best that Nick be given a little legal reminder that spilling the details of their divorce to the press before Mimi says it’s okay is a major no-no and to stick a glitter-covered sock it in. The agreement states that Mariah will be the one to announce their split and that there are “severe financial penalties” if Nick says anything before that.
I see what that sneaky Mimi is doing here. By banning Nick from saying anything about the divorce, she has the upper hand and can keep her mouth shut too. That way, she can be all “Divorce? What divorce?” and keep half her shit. There’s no way Nick is getting his greedy little hands on half of her Lollipop Bling dollars!