JLo Says She’ll Get Married Again Because She Doesn’t “Whore Around”

August 22, 2014 / Posted by:

It wasn’t that long ago that Jennifer Lopez, the come-to-life human version of a hand-puppet created by a Colorado elementary school student, called it quits with her Sid from Toy Story-looking boyfriend Casper Smart, so when she appeared on Chelsea Lately Thursday night, Chelsea Handler asked her what her game plan was for her dating future and whether or not she’d entertain the idea of getting married for a fourth time. Since her last relationship ended when her kept bitch boy toy seemed to forget who was responsible for slipping prepaid VISA cards into his wallet every night and started sneaking around with bikini models, you’d think the answer would be a big fat NO. But JLo says that when two roads diverge in the pussy woods, she’ll be taking the road less traveled by penises:

“I like being in a relationship. I’m not one to like, whore around, and stuff like that—that’s not my thing.”

I don’t really blame her; JLo has proven time and time again that she needs to start screening her tricks better. If Diddy, Ben Affleck, Cris Judd, Skeletor, and Casper Smart is the result of JLo being “selective”, then I would hate to see the kind of bottom-feeders she’d wrap her pussy lips around if she didn’t give a fuck.

But I do have a problem with her saying the words “whore around” like it’s a bad thing! Excuse you, bitch! You can’t throw shade at people who whore around if you’re guilty of Skeletor-ing around, which is a Class-4 felony when it comes to crimes against fuck parts. I think if you asked any pussy out there if they’d rather have 200 random dicks or 1 that looks like Hordak, I’m pretty sure they’d pick the 200 random dicks. I mean, I would. Hordak is scary! I don’t wanna hump a dick that looks like a skeleton bat!

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