Oh, those were the days when Nick Cannon knew his role as a loyal, purse-holding consort and Mimi and her extra plump butterfly lips were in a pink cloud of happiness from having a devoted husband who stood on the sidelines holding her strawberry cheesecake Lip Smackers for her while she basked in the spotlight and got all the attention. Sadly, those days are over and Mimi’s chunky camel toe has deflated with sadness, because her marriage has about as much oxygen left in it as that poor dog did after Mimi put it in the dryer for that legendary episode of Cribs. Mimi and Nick’s marriage is done and today TMZ says that the whore that broke the camel toe’s spirit was humanity’s most destructive skank plague Kim Kartrashian.
Yesterday, Page Six said that Mimi and Nick have been done with each other for a while and they’ve been living in separate places. TMZ says that they’ve been over since May and have already been working with divorce lawyers to divide up their shit and work out a custody agreement for #dembabies. TMZ’s source says that their marriage of 6 years started to shrivel up and die in March when Nick Cannon admitted on Big Boy’s radio show that he fucked Kim Kartrashian. Mimi felt like Nick humiliated her. (I thought she didn’t know what a Kardashian was!) That didn’t stop Nick from spilling out their business some more. He later told Howard Stern that Mimi didn’t let him up into her Hello Kitty until their wedding night, and that didn’t help things.
The source also said that Mimi is pissed that Nick takes every job that’s offered to him and is no longer her beck-and-call bitch. Poor Mimi has to hold her own strawberry cheesecake Lip Smackers now! Mimi wants Nick to spend more time with her and their twins. Nick supposedly made $75 million in the past 3 years, so he’s not sure why Mimi’s bitching about him working when he’s making money for his family. Nick feels like Mimi only surrounds herself with asshole-sucking bitches who do whatever she says and so she flips out whenever he does or says something she doesn’t like.
This news should be a major SHOCK to us all, because Mimi and Nick renewed their vows every single year and we all know that hos who renew their vows in over-the-top, extravagant and wasteful ceremonies last forever. Ask Heidi and Seal!
I cut myself shaving yesterday (if you don’t want a visual that will leave your stomach empty, don’t ask what I was shaving) and I blamed the Kardashians, because those whores of the Ninth Circle are to blame for EVERYTHING. The International Court of Justice should try PMK and her whores for their crimes against humankind (and warthog kind in Sasquatch Khloe’s case), but Mimi should’ve known that Nick has boned Kim. Mimi should’ve known when she saw Nick’s peen for the first time and it looked crazed, rabid and spun its head while spitting out pea soup. That’s the telltale sign that it’s been possessed by a Kardashian!