Miley Cyrus said goodbye to her Alaskan Klee Kai Floyd back in April, and ever since then she has worked tirelessly to find new and more creative ways to make sure the leg-humping legacy of Floyd lives on. The most recent way she’s chosen to honor his memory is with a five-foot-tall light-up bong covered in bracelets, beads, flowers, dinosaurs, ribbons, crap, shit, trash, garbage, crap, crap, and more crap. There is so much crap on this bong. Floyd must have been a next-level hoarder.
Even though it looks like every piece of plastic crap from here to Pluto has been used to decorate Floyd’s memorial bong, Miley says it’s not quite finished yet. But the cooter-popping hillbilly chipmunk princess was so proud of her “werk in progress” that she decided to post several pics to Instagram yesterday regardless of how unfinished it was. Miley says that Floyd’s memorial bong has been a collaboration between her fans, who have made her bracelets that spell out messages like YUCK, WEED, TWERK, and DRUGZ. Josh Groban just got really nervous, because he knows that funeral homes everywhere just threw out all their Josh Groban CDs and replaced them with a bong that says DRUGZ. Nothing is more comforting during a moment of quiet reflection than a bong that says DRUGZ.
If only we knew what Floyd thought of his memorial bong. I know he’d be glad Miley is still smoking obscene amounts of drugs (that’s a given) but I feel like he might turn his nose up at how crafternoon delight it is. That bong looks like Hobby Lobby barfed on a Christian Bible Camp. There are SO MANY DAMN BEADS. Plus there’s not a single sticker with a picture of a stoned cartoon alien holding a joint saying “Take me to your dealer”. Come on Miley, it’s not a crap-covered bong without a weed alien!