In case you’ve been trapped in an actual block of ice for thousands of years and scientists barely just chiseled you out, let me explain a couple of things to you: Celebrities are humans that a lot of strangers know of (I know, it’s a weird concept) and most of them have been taking an icy load to the head in the name of charity (and in some cases, in the name of promoting themselves). The Ice Bucket Challenge has raised over $15 million for The Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosix Association, which is a good thing, but I still don’t understand that shit.
On the Today show last week, someone challenged Hoda Kotb to the Ice Bucket Challenge and she spent a good 3 minutes deciding whether or not she wanted to get doused with ice water or donate money to charity. Unless your heart is made of ice, why would you have to think about it? Why wouldn’t you just say, “Keep the ice and hand me my checkbook.” It’s not like the challenge is to choose between an ice shower or watching the first 5 seconds of a Nickelback video. I know it’s to raise awareness for ALS and most celebrities also donate to the charity, but the entire concept still makes no sense to me.
Besides, think of all the water they’re wasting IN THIS DROUGHT (which is the new “IN THIS ECONOMY”). On the news in California, they keep telling us that the state is drier than a grandma mummy’s puss and we’re in the middle of the worst drought of all droughts. Yet, here’s all these celebwhores wasting water. If celebrities want to do the Ice Bucket Challenge, they should be forced to do it in California so we can all lick the water off of their bodies afterward. (I’m talking to you, Idris Elba, Alexander Skarsgard, Carrot Top and Prince Hot Ginge. I’m not talking to you, Charlie Sheen, because gonorrhea water will do my body bad.)
Better yet, they should swap out the Ice Bucket Challenge for the Oil Bucket Challenge and every ho who does it should have to do it naked. Now that is a challenge I can get behind. I challenge you, Idris, ASkars, Carrot Top, PHG and the hot cashier at the garden department of the Home Depot by my house.
Meanwhile at the Scientology Centre, they’ve raised $35 million for themselves by doing the Cum Bucket Challenge and you know where most of that money came from.
Above is Chris Pratt doing his take of the Ice Bucket Challenge and after the cut are approximately 5,000 celebrities doing the Ice Bukkake Challenge (that sounds like Nicole Kidman’s wet dream) and that’s only 1/1000th of the celebrities who’ve done it. Warning: Prepare yourselves, because ahead of you is Lena Dunham looking like CJ from Baywatch in the Little Critter world, twink ass and Rob Ford.
Emblem3 (Kevin Spacey wants to go to there):
Taylor Swift and Jamie King:
The Mighty O:
Amy Schumer doing the Clam Chowder Can Challenge (at least I think that’s clam chowder, but it could also be curdled cum in a can):
Well, at least he got a bath.