During a performance of last night’s most expensive lip-synching show in Las Vegas, one of Brit Brit Spears’ fans, who paid a lot of money to see her move her mouth and wave her arms, recorded a video of her looking like she’s moving her mouth to Sia’s vocals. Leave it to Our Lady of Cheetos to turn fuck effort lip-synching into an art form. Sia wrote that shit and recored a version with Brit Brit. I watched that Instagram video (via ONTD) way too many times and I can kind of hear Brit Brit’s auto-tuned chipmunk yodel underneath Sia’s voice, so who ever is in charge of pressing play on the track Brit Brit lip-synchs to probably pressed play on the wrong track. Brit Brit went on with the show, because she’s a real professional (and mostly because she had no idea what was going on and was too busy thinking about how she can’t wait for Daddy Spears to take her to Buffalo Wild Wings after she finished moving her mouth to that track.)
No, no, no, I was just making jokes about Brit Brit not singing live. We all know that Brit Brit doesn’t lip-synch. We all know that it’s physically impossible for her to open up her mouth without stunningly beautiful, on-key musical notes dancing off of her vocal cords. Brit Brit doesn’t even know what a “lip-synch” is! She thinks it’s a fancy name for “water fountain.” Not many people know this about Brit Brit, since she’s always been humble about her natural gifts, but she actually has two sets of vocal cords. So last night, the audience witnessed true greatness. Brit Brit not only naturally sang her part, but she also sang in the voice of Sia at the same time! Brit Brit’s audience didn’t watch lip-synching-gone-wrong last night. They watched a vocal wonder at work!
I also heard that during last night’s show, she actually did half of a kick ball change (so basically just a kick and a half of a ball or a “kick and a Lance Armstrong” as dance professionals call it). I know, Brit Brit really gave it her all and more last night. She should take the rest of the year off. She and her conjoined twin vocal cords earned it.