The annoying as all hell couple from that goddamn Sears air conditioner commercial from the 90s!
If you weren’t in the US in the 90s, then this Sears air conditioning commercial means nothing to you, but if you were, then there’s a good chance that in deepest part of your brain, this commercial lives. This commercial is where basic goes to die and it should be completely forgettable, but it’s not and the other day I found myself saying, “Another SCORCHER!” The evil doers behind it (the advertising firm of Lucifer & Draper) obviously embedded hidden messages that manipulated our brains into remembering a commercial that we shouldn’t remember. They played this commercial all the time, they played it everywhere and they played it for years. HBO doesn’t show commercials, but I’m pretty sure they showed this commercial. You couldn’t escape it. When you closed your eyes at night, the only sound you heard was that annoying ass wife saying, “You call NOW,” and when you opened your eyes in the middle of the night, the first thing you heard was that smug ass husband saying in a condescending whisper, “I’ll call now.”
In the commercial that plays on a loop on every analog TV in every locked cell in Hell, a married couple, who are obviously in a loveless marriage, are having breakfast and the wife bitches about the broken air conditioner while standing in front of an opened refrigerator. In a whiny voice, she asks her husband why he hasn’t called Sears. Many of us probably screamed at the TV, “Why the hell don’t you call Sears yourself, bitch!!!!?” The husband doesn’t seem that bothered by the SCORCHING heat, because he’s dead inside and all of his organs are made of ice. While making a highly punchable face, Greg Kinnear’s weekday matinee standby, says to his wife, “I’ll call now.” Relive the horror all over again after the cut.
I want to challenge both of them to the Ice Bucket Challenge and by the “Ice Bucket Challenge,” I mean the “Acid Bucket Challenge.”
Sears should really do a sequel to that commercial, because I hate it so much that I love it and I NEED to know what happened to that couple. My guess is that in the sequel, a police detective says, “I guess they didn’t call Sears,” while examining the refrigerator that broke because the wife kept standing in front of it every time the air conditioner stopped working. Then the camera pans to the bloody bodies of the husband and wife who murdered each other after the refrigerator broke and he didn’t call Sears.