Well, I guess today is as good a day as any to see a naked Chelsea Handler looking like she just peeled her hungover, stinky ass off of the floor after discovering that the trick she met at the bar and snuck into the locker room of her gym to drunkenly fuck stole her clothes and purse as she lay passed out. Yesterday, Chelsea Handler threw a picture on Instagram of her waiting to shoot another “shower scene” for one of her final shows. Thank you for this gift, Chelsea. It feels nice knowing what you look like when you’re suffering from the hard shits while sitting naked on the toilet.
Chelsea seems to think that Instagramming her naked body makes her a Kardashian. She added the note: “I’m a Kardashian.”
Chelsea has forever lived in the whore house (read: E!’s headquarters) that the Kardashians practically built by whoring, so if anyone should know Kardashian shit, it’s her. That picture is the opposite of Kardashian shit. If Chelsea really wanted to Kardashian-ize it, she needed to Photoshop about 20 inches off of her waist, slather wax all over her skin, put on 40 pounds of makeup, throw a wave effect on the edge of that towel and make duck lips with her mouth so her lips look like two overfilled anal glands itching to be popped. If she did all of that, then she can say she’s a Kardashian.
And more importantly, where is her nipple?! Is she wearing a pasty? Or maybe, since Chelsea is friends with every white actress in Hollywood, she was out partying with Sarah Jessica Parker and dared SJP to do a tequila shot off of her nipple. SJP got a little excited while doing so and sort of kind of chewed off Chelsea’s nipple with her horse veneers and accidentally swallowed it. SJP will pass it soon. No big deal.