Yesterday, Taylor Swift was at the Teens Make Terrible Choices Awards (see pictures below) looking like a Tampa, FL waitress at a Beach Blanket Bingo-themed knitting store/juice bar who smears a mixture of Vaseline and Crisco on her skin before she sunbathes on the driveway of her carport and got the same haircut my mom got in 1982 when she told the haircutter at the JcPenney salon to give her “Jane Fonda in Klute.” And while Taylor Swift and her pushed-up tit pies were at the Teen Choice Awards, her BFF4EVA Karlie Kloss was at her Beverly Hills mansion heating up her full-size Easy Bake Oven and getting everything ready for the strawberry tart baking party they had when she got home. (That is not a euphemism.) Because the literary gazette of integrity, The Daily Mail, says that Karlie Kloss has moved in with Taylor Swift. Well, the good news for Taylor Swift’s accountant is that she doesn’t have to use her millions to buy mirrors, because if she ever wants to know what she looks like, she just has to look at Karlie Kloss.
A source tells The Daily Mail that Karlie moved into Taylor of Sunnybrook Farms’ Beverly Hills house a few weeks ago and the two have become so “inseparable” that they’re looking into getting conjoined twin surgery so they will never be parted.
“Taylor and Karlie have grown very close,’ the source told me. ‘They are inseparable. Taylor wanted someone to live with her, to have some company, and Karlie jumped at the chance to move in with her friend. They spent a lot of time together before Karlie moved in but now they are rarely apart. They do everything together, from visits to the gym to going on road trips.”
Some think that just because Kar Kar and Tay Tay are living together and are joined at the bangs means that she’s gotten tired of bearding and writing #1 songs about all the “dramatic males” she stalks, so she’s switched shit up and is lezzing it up and writing #1 songs about the chicks she stalks instead. Some think that Karlie and Taylor are like SamRo and Lindsay Lohan if you replaced the crack and Jack Daniels with peach pocket pies and handmade doilies. As much as I’d like to think that Kar Kar and Tay Tay are setting the smoke alarms off in her house by rubbing their twig legs together while scissoring in her craft room, I don’t think that’s happening. I still think this is a Single White Female situation, but I don’t know who’s Single White Female-ing who. But I do know that Taylor’s adorable pussy better wear a helmet and parachute at all times, because we all know what happened to Buddy.
Here’s more of Taylor at the Teen Choice Awards and Kar Kar leaving Taylor’s apartment in NYC the other day.