UPDATE: It’s a mic wire.
Finally, some news that really matters!
Gawker and TMZ posted these pictures of Idris Elba shooting a movie called “A Hundred Streets” in London today and they both fanned themselves and stuck a bottle of smelling salts in their nostrils over the bulge in his pants, which looks like a skinny baby’s arm (I do see an elbow) holding a magic wand. Idris Elba has the swagger of a dude whose got a dick so big that he can bust a cervix, but I don’t know. If it’s soft, then Idris Elba literally has a third leg dick and if you ever do a photo shoot with him, leave the tripod at home, because he’s always carrying one. If it’s soft, then it must have built-in suction cups and is clinging to his thigh, because it’s hanging so straight. It also kind of looks like his pool noodle dick and his crotch berries are not attached. That could be a mic cord in his pants or maybe he’s got an extra long tube of Mentos in his pocket.
Here’s a picture from the side and another picture where some of it disappears:
Because I’d like to think that I have a degree in bulge-watching from DEU (Dick Enthusiast University), I spent a giant piece (punned on purpose) of my day staring at Idris Elba’s crotch. I haven’t been this productive in days, weeks, months, years, decades! It looks really long and skinny (the Taylor Swift of peens), so I’m going to say that it’s a mic cord or a crease or something. The only way we’ll really know for sure that Idris Elba has a garden hose dick is if it challenges The Hammaconda to a wrestling match. The Hammaconda has strength from the 3 baby goats it eats daily, but Idris Elba’s garden hose dick can wrap around it and strangle it until it turns blue and screams for its mommy.
And here’s more pictures for you dick detectives out there including pictures of Idris shooting a scene on a balcony with a shot gun. At least, I think that’s a shot gun, but it could be his dick.