Justin Theroux Will Put A Gun To Jennifer Aniston’s Head If She Messes With Her Face

August 8, 2014 / Posted by:

Jennifer Aniston has said many times before that she tried Botox once, but she’ll never do it again, because she thinks it makes you look older and if she froze her face with that Nicole Kidman nectar how would she squirt out lonely tears of sadness into a bowl of ice cream soup after her man left her? While talking about her line of hair products and other shit with Bobbi Brown for Yahoo! Beauty, Aniston once again spit on Botox and said that Justin Theroux would threaten to murder her if she got plastic surgery on her face. So Jennifer Aniston keeps her face as smooth as a Cabbage Patch Doll’s ass by cleansing it with Smart Water and moisturizing it with Aveeno, obviously.

On how she wants to lose 5 pounds and is a freak of disgusting nature who only eats delicious carbs on the weekends: “I usually give myself bread on the weekends, but really, my body doesn’t love carbs. These days, if I was being super picky, I would love to drop 5 pounds. That is just where I have always been really comfortable at about 110 to 113 pounds. But it is harder at this age.”

On how women (cough cough Courteney Cox) who fill their face full of Botox look a mess: “There is also this pressure in Hollywood to be ageless. I think what I have been witness to, is seeing women trying to stay ageless with what they are doing to themselves. I am grateful to learn from their mistakes, because I am not injecting shit into my face. No honestly, I see them and my heart breaks. I think, ‘Oh god if you only know how much older you look.’ They are trying to stop the clock and all you can see is an insecure person who won’t let themselves just age. I also have a fiancé; who will put a gun to my head if I touch my face in any way.”

On how she uses lights and shit on her face and wishes she could tell her friends (cough cough hack cough Courteney Cox cough cough) in her life to stop Wildensteining themselves: “There are also so many things that women can do today with technology in terms of LED light therapy, good lasers that tighten the muscles, and massages for your face—and don’t forget great creams. I think that’s the route to go. I also understand that age is kind of awesome. I am fortunate enough to know women like Gloria Steinem, who I think is one of the most stunning women on the planet, and doesn’t touch her face. Diane Keaton, Annette Bening, all of these fabulous fearless women who are flawless, they embrace it! You know, to each their own; I don’t judge it if you do it, but sometimes I wish I could beg the people I know, who I am very near and dear to, to not touch their face.”

Um, I’m not a doctor or anything, but I’m pretty sure that a bullet to the face would screw up Aniston’s face more than a Botox injection would.

Aniston’s crazy, though. Like Justin Theroux is really going to hold a gun to the sole reason why he lives in a multi-million dollar Bel Air mansion with a coop full of chickens that poot out eggs. Real eggs! But I wonder if Justin would be mad if Aniston had plastic surgery before she got with his ass. Because if so, it’s going to be really awkward when he finds out that her nose didn’t get thinner from her hot, miserable tears burning off her nose skin after Brad Pitt left her for that hussy whore skank slut.

Here’s Aniston at some clinic the other day. No, it wasn’t a plastic surgery clinic, Justin, so you can put down the gun and go back to dying your hair with black shoe polish.

Pics: FameFlynet

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