Barbra Streisand’s Inaugural Instagram Portrait Is A Technological Wonder
Barbra Streisand popped her Instagram cherry the other day by posting this casual picture of her being casual in her casual backyard with her casual dog Samantha. I don’t even think Barbra knows that the camera is there! It’s that candid. That isn’t backlighting. That’s God smiling behind her.
Barbra is so generous to share this intimate moment with her fans. When 72-year-old Barbra isn’t raising the worldwide cholesterol levels with her buttery voice, she spontaneously lounges on a lounge chair right after workers from Madame Tussauds slather gallons of wax all over her mug, a mortician sprays her down with thermogenic makeup, three stylists dress her up like a powerful pilgrim business woman, Ken Paves tends to her bitch’s hair and a choreographer arranges her in the perfect pose. And while Barbra casually lounges, team of graphic artists stretch their fingers on the sidelines as they prepare themselves for all the retouch work they’re about to do. So casual, so “laissez-faire” as Samantha would say if she could speak human words out loud, because that fancy bitch definitely speaks French.
Or maybe that’s not Barbra Streisand at all…. Maybe Barbra’s Instagram team got confused and accidentally posted a still of Jennifer Aniston as Reverend Henry Kane in a reboot of Poltergeist 2. It’s hard to tell. Whatever the case may be, I hope this is the only picture that Barbra Instagrams, because nothing can top it.
And in other Barbra news, The National Enquirer says that Barbra’s marriage to James Brolin is “on the rocks” after she caught him eye-fucking the whore of all whores at some party. Radar put it like this:
Barbra Streisand is furious with husband James Brolin for keeping up with Kim Kardashian. RadarOnline.com has learned that Babs accused her man of ogling the reality star during a recent event — and it’s causing a marriage crisis!
According to the new issue of The National ENQUIRER, Streisand “hit the roof” when she found out that Brolin leered at none other than “boob-licious” Kardashian at an A-list party.
James Brolin wasn’t “ogling.” James was staring, because he couldn’t take his eyes off of that slow-moving train wreck while telling himself that he’s so lucky to be married to an all-natural blossom like Barbra.
Here’s a few pictures of Barbra leaving a Memorial Day party in May. You know, I’m pretty sure that the stunning Instagram picture above is Barbra in her natural state and these pictures below were highly Photoshopped. Barbra obviously asked the photo agency to Photoshop her until she looked human so the public wouldn’t be threatened by her alien-like beauty.
