Hot Slut Of The Day!
The magical red plastic stick from a Handi-Snack!
The Handi-Snacks red plastic stick really separated the uncouth, uncivilized trash from the refined, sophisticated, polished pearls in the elementary school cafeteria. Some of my friends would toss that red plastic stick (read: the most important elementary school cafeteria tool) aside and scoop up that processed cheese deliciousness with their nasty, sticky, dirty, snot-covered fingers and shove it in their slobbery, crusted mouths as if they were raised by a Spears. Such low-class gutter trash! Their parents should’ve immediately pulled them out of school and enrolled them into Barbizon, because they obviously needed a crash course in poise, etiquette and manners.
Meanwhile, us Dowager Countesses-in-training would put that red plastic stick to good use, because it wasn’t there to look shiny and pretty. We’d gracefully scoop up the fake cheese deliciousness with that stick and elegantly spread the cheese on the cracker before delicately placing the red stick on top of the cheese and eating the cracker with our pinky finger up like a true dignitary. If THE QUEEN ever invited us to a formal royal dinner at Buckingham Palace, we’d know how to behave and act during the Handi-Snack course.
After we finished eating our Handi-Snack the way it was meant to be eaten, we’d cover our mouths as we sucked all the cheese off of that red plastic stick and then we’d pull the brown paper bathroom napkins (because the cafeteria was all out of regular napkins) off of our laps and quietly gossip about our trashy friends who don’t know how to eat a Handi-Snack right.
The other good thing about the red plastic stick is that you could chisel it down and use it as a shank if for some reason you got trapped in the cafeteria and had to fight the other kids to the death.
By the way, I’m lying. I was the kid who stuck his tongue in the cheese part of the Handi-Snack and used the red stick as a chew toy. I sat alone most of the time.
Pic: Wikipedia