Dlisted reader Susan sent in this picture she took today outside of Chelsea Town Hall in London of the announcement that Amal Ramzi Alamuddin and George Timothy Clooney got their asses a marriage license and plan to get married in Italy. I didn’t know that in London marriage licenses are announced on a piece of paper behind glass outside of town hall. I thought that a messenger wearing a fancy coat and a fancy hat with a fancy feather sticking out of it stood at the top of the stairs, pulled out a scroll and read, “Here ye, here ye, here ye! Oxford-educated international human rights lawyer Amal Alamuddin has obtained a license to marry Booker from Roseanne. May the failed tears of gold digging, fame whore cocktail waitresses commence!” That announcement is kind of like a magic eye poster. If you stare at it long enough, you’ll see four horsemen galloping toward you while farting out four swarms of locusts.
Ellen Barkin recently threw a bridal shower for Amal in NYC and Amal was in Italy a few days ago, so the wedding will probably happen soon. If it’s reported that a Pig Pen-like dirt cloud of butt jelly fumes, fleas and weed smoke is hovering above Lake Como, prepare your end-of-the-world bunker. Because that Pig Pen-like dirt cloud of butt jelly fumes, fleas and weed smoke could only mean one thing: Brad Pitt is in Italy, which means that George Clooney will summon the rapture by saying “I do” at the altar.
And in other Clooney news, Roseanne was on The Talk the other day and she said that a picture of George Clooney’s dick in Groucho Marx glasses is somewhere out there. When Clooney was on Roseanne, he supposedly took a picture of his dick and slapped it on the side of Conner’s fridge.
“You know, we used to have a few cocktails after we wrapped on the set there, just the adults… But uh, George took a picture of his, um, wiener. He had these Groucho glasses and he put the Groucho glasses so the wiener was the nose. He put it on the fridge [on the set]. We would laugh at it all the time and about the second day it disappeared. Somebody took it. I thought it would surface by now. Maybe they didn’t know it was George Clooney.”
I really hope that picture is his wedding invitation.