During a photo shoot for the September issue of Glamour magazine (via UsWeekly) Olivia Wilde’s baby son Otis Sudeikis (“I CAN’T!” – my lisp, weeping in the fetal position) started to get a case of the hungries, so she reached into her Roberto Cavalli dress, whipped out one of her leche-filled chichis, and let Otis slurp away. Because no baby book is complete without a photo of baby’s first feeding in a dirty diner booth while mommy is wearing a $2000 couture gown, she gave photographer Patrick Demarchelier the thumbs up to go ahead and take a picture, adding that they should use it in the magazine because she’s basically Olivia Wilde: Actress/Mom now:
“Being shot with Otis is so perfect because any portrait of me right now isn’t complete without my identity as a mother being a part of that. Breastfeeding is the most natural thing.”
“I don’t know, now it feels like Otis should always be on my breast. It felt like we were capturing that multifaceted woman we’ve been discussing—that we know we can be. You can be someone who is at once maternal and professional and sexy and self-possessed. [But] I mean, I certainly don’t really look like that when I’m [typically] breastfeeding. And there’s usually a diaper involved.”
Unfortunately, Otis was too busy guzzling down titty cream and daydreaming about Pat the Bunny to give a flying baby powder-scented fuck about their precious breastfeeding moment, and he pissed on her dress.
— olivia wilde (@oliviawilde) August 5, 2014
At first I was like “Oh SICK, rugrat piss!!!”, but then I realized that there’s a lot worse that can happen to couture during a photo shoot. I’m sure some designers have gotten dresses returned from photo shoots that are covered in piss, shit, coke farts, crotch butter, hair, smegma, cigarette burns, booze stains, barf, and sadness. And that’s assuming they get returned at all (*cough* LiLo *cough*).
And no word on what happened to the pissed-on dress, but last I heard Kris Jenner has offered to be its manager.
Here’s more of Olivia and Otis in Glamour. Wait, is that a full profile shot of Otis? Calling all Xander Jones truthers!