I know, I didn’t use the word “ALLEGEDLY” enough in that headline.
A 36-year-old man named James Safechuck has filed a lawsuit against Michael Jackson’s estate claiming that Michael Jackson child touched him and raped him for 4 years starting when he was just 10 years old. This is the point in the post when you can scream “NOPE!” and run off to watch a video of a puppy sleep-eating instead. You’ve been warned. James Safechuck gets really detailed in his lawsuit and of course, TMZ has the details. He claims that in 1988, he traveled from the US to Paris with Michael Jackson during the “Bad” tour and that’s when the abuse started. MJ would allegedly give James Safechuck (more like James NotSoSafeChuck, sadly) pink wine and make him watch child porn. MJ allegedly used secret codes to describe his dick and jizz and used secrets signals to let James know when he wanted “to have sex.” TMZ has the details that will make you wish you could screw off the top of your skull, pull out your brain and scrub it down with boiled water and Ajax.
Safechuck says Michael taught him to use code words … referring to his erection as “bright light, brick city” … and calling semen, “duck butter.”
Safechuck claims Jackson also used secret signals — when they would hold hands, Michael would scratch the inside of James’ hand with a finger … to show he wanted to have sex.
DUCK BUTTER?! I once went to this restaurant in Oregon somewhere, I want to say Ashland, and when they served bread to the table, they also brought out a duck sculpture made out of butter. I wish I could remember the name of the restaurant, because I want to make sure I never EVER go there again. I really don’t want to think about Michael Jackson’s pedo cum while buttering my warm roll. And yes, I saw what I did there and I don’t like it either.
James also claims that MJ was so obsessed with him that he “married him” in a fake wedding ceremony complete with a ring and a marriage certificate. And when MJ found out that James had a crush on Sheryl Crow, he got insanely jealous and showed James unflattering pictures of Sheryl SANS FARDS. James said the abused stopped when he reached puberty.
In other disturbing MJ news, Wade Robson, who claimed last year that he was also raped by MJ, filed new documents and like James, he got graphic. Radar says that Wade is also suing Michael Jackson’s estate and in the new documents he filed, he claims that MJ anally raped him repeatedly and masturbated on him while he was on all fours “like a dog.” Wade claims he was 7 when the abuse started and he was 14 when it ended. You can read the details here if you want your eyeballs to melt.
A lawyer for the Michael Jackson estate said that both lawsuits should be thrown out because they waited too long to file.
When I was a kid, one of my friend’s grandma used nasty ass ammonia for everything. She swore it could cleanse the devil’s soul. She used it to clean everything and I wouldn’t be surprised if she bathed in it. I couldn’t stay at my friend’s house for too long, because the constant scent of ammonia made me feel like I was bit by a zombie. With all that said, I wish I could call her up today and ask her if my brain will be cleansed of this story if I inject ammonia directly into my head.