Kim Kartrashian Kries On Twitter About How Big Her Ass Has Gotten

August 5, 2014 / Posted by:

Warning: Whatever you do, do not stare directly into Kim Kartrashian’s kamel toe of doom. If you do, you’ll hear the sound of Pimp Mama Kris cackling mixed in with the sound of a million black peens wailing. That sound will keep you up at night and sleep will never be a friend of yours.

Seen above leaving Jimmy Kimmel Live yesterday while dressed like the least popular whore at a brothel that caters strictly to blind men, Kim Kardashian squatted and wet farted out a river of woe on Twitter today about how she hasn’t been able to lose any of the extra chunk she gained while knocked up with North West. Kim desperately wants to lose 20 pounds and my suggestion would be to open up the nozzle on the back of her head and release some air since she’s got at least 30 pounds of dry queefs in there.

Kim plans to go karb-free and she’s going to move into a gym. As Rob Kardashian drowned the pain of being related to those vain pieces of trash by sticking his head in a bowl of macaroni and cheese at Golden Corral, Kim shat up this motivational pile of bullshit.

off to an intense workout. Can’t seem to shake this last 15-20 lbs of baby weight. no more excuses. my baby is 1 years old! UGH

I’m not gonna call it baby weight bc thats an excuse. i just gained weight & that’s it. why is it so much harder to lose after baby though!!

do any of u moms see their bodies just not the same? a different shape? ughhhh my hips & butt are huge now! they were big to begin with!

Just need to get down to my weight a few years ago. Not gonna complain anymore. Starting diet TODAY! No carbs. crazy workouts. Whos with me?

i think after having a baby u get so excited u lost a lot of weight then u get comfortable & eat how you used & it creeps back up.

ok no more tweeting and procrastinating! LOL Glad some of u moms can relate. I’m reading the comments! For real….of to the gym!

wish me luck on the dieting…its soooo hard for me!

I’ve been writing about these trash heap fame whores for so long that I can fluently read Kardashian. Let me translate those tweets for you:

“off to an intense work out” = “Off to the in-house plastic surgery clinic in my mom’s basement where the doctors will attach a Dyson wet vac to the lipo hole on the side of my body and suck out the fat.”

“ughhhh my hips & butt are huge now!” = “My hips and fat ass need to be bigger so they can get even MORE attention. Must ask our in-house plastic surgeon to inject more insulation foam into my ass.

“Starting diet TODAY!” = “Eating a QuickTrim amuse bouche before every meal from now on.

“For real….of to the gym!” = “Must ask the maid to dust off those machines things in the gym so I can take a selfie in front of them.

I know, the struggle Kummy Cakes goes through to lose 20 pounds is real.

Pics: Wenn.com, Splash

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