Sometime in the early 80s, Nabisco put out Giggles Cookies, which was Oreo’s third cousin twice removed at the nitrous oxide tank. Just like Oreos, Giggles were cookie and cream sandwiches, but Giggles had two kinds of cream: fudge and vanilla (there’s a sloppy, cream pie butt sex joke somewhere in there). When I was a kid, the faces on Giggles cookies were cute to me, but now that I’m grown and have seen things, it’s obvious that they’re not sweet, cute faces. They’re giggling because they can’t wait to get into your stomach and eat you from the inside. You can’t trust a bitch (or a cookie) with no pupils. They look like the Children of the Damned on Ecstasy. Nabisco discontinued Giggles sometime in the early 90s, because they didn’t need them anymore since Teddy Grahams was on the scene and spreading the evil.
The commercial is a horror show too. That little boy isn’t giggling because he got into mommy’s stash of shrooms and ate them all. That little boy is giggling, because he’s been possessed by those creepy devil cookies and knows that the Giggles are going to get his entire family in their sleep in the nighttime.
With all that being said, if I saw a box of Giggles Cookies at the store, I’d still buy them and bring them into my house. Because they might’ve been filled with sugary evil, but they were delicious. I’d dip them in a cup of holy water first, though.