Australian songwriter and nightingale Sia, who has more talent in one of her ass veins than most of the pop whores she writes songs for and who is currently terrorizing my ear tunnels with the emotional Lamps Plus jingle “Chanda-leeeeer-here,” became a wife on Saturday when she married her Peter Sarsgaard-looking ass man Erik Anders. Radar says that this was the “fast cummer’ of engagements, because Sia and Erik Anders, who makes documentaries, only got engaged two months ago. I really need to keep up with the news about Sia’s personal life, because the dried mash of rotten bologna and weed buds I call a brain thought she was still clit wrestling with JD Sampson from Le Tigre.
UsWeekly says that Sia and Erik got married in the backyard of her house in Palm Springs, CA. Sources say (no, they didn’t) that since Sia has the shys in a big way, Lena Dunham played her and an actor from central casting played Erik during the ceremony in front of guests and Sia and Erik actually got married in a darkened, closed-off room where she had her back to the pastor the entire time. Sia hasn’t confirmed this shit yet, but she sort of confirmed it on Saturday when she tweeted this:
Omg omg I'm so excited
— sia (@Sia) August 2, 2014
But was she so excited that she swung from the chanda-leeeeeeeeeeer-here?
And I wish I was making this part up, but Radar also says that Terry Richardson shot her wedding pictures.
Sia has said and done a lot of crazy things (examples: saying that the good shit gave her bi-polar and siccing her Twitter followers on a dry cleaner who screwed up her clothes), but nothing is crazier than saying, “I want Uncle Terry to shoot my wedding pictures,” and then actually going through with it.
Instead of the guests throwing rice at Sia and her husband, Uncle Terry stood on a ladder and came all over them. And during their first dance, they were serenaded by the loud cries of their guests who watched Uncle Terry fuck the cake while doing himself with a string of anal beads made out of Jordan almonds. Well, I guess every wedding needs a creepy, pervy uncle who jacks off through a hole in his pocket while watching the bridesmaids sashay down the aisle. But seriously, if Sia really wanted her wedding pictures to be out of focus and a mess, she should’ve gotten a strung out, brain dead salamander with shanky hands to take them with a waterlogged disposable camera. It would’ve been cheaper and I don’t think the salamander would’ve came in the plastic swans on the table. I think.
Here’s Sia and her new husband at some event in NYC in June.