“LOL, remember when people still cared about you?” – Kim Kardashian
“You mean when you were still just a barnacle on my ass?” – Paris Hilton
Just when you think it couldn’t get any worse than seeing a picture of horny pimp grandma Kris Jenner snuggled up to a butch-looking P.J. Sparkles doll, her dumb hooker daughter goes ahead and Instagramming a picture of her joyful reunion with wonky-eyed DJ and former somebody Paris Hilton. Reuuuunited and it feels like craaaaabs.
Kim and Paris used to be close friends back in the day (aka they sucked the same dicks and shared a prescription of Valtrex) but then Kim started getting more popular (aka sucking more dicks) and Wonky got jealous and started saying mean shit about Kim, like the now-famous quote about her ass looking like a trash bag filled with cottage cheese. But it looks like Paris and Kim decided to bury the cum-covered hatchet at Riccardo Tisci’s birthday party in Ibiza. While Kanye West was preparing to pop out of a giant cake and sing a sexy rendition of “Happy Birthday” to his boo, Kim was uploading a picture of her and her former BFF giggling like two stupid spoiled whores as they tried to remember all the random dicks they fucked for coke (Paris) and money (Kim) the last time they terrorized Ibiza:
“Reminiscing about the 1st time we went to Ibiza in 2006! @parishilton it was so good to see you & catch up!! Loves it lol”
It looks like Paris Hilton would rather get pissed on by Ray J than spend another second listening to Kim’s drowsy monotone mouth sounds, but she can’t get up to leave because sitting with The Rubber-Faced Goblin Slut means she gets an extra :30 seconds on her already long-expired 15 minutes. SUCH a Katch-22. And speaking of catching, pray for the people of Ibiza, who all caught a case of the dreaded Hoe-bola virus after these two skanky hoes came in contact with each other. Officials in Spain have warned citizens that if their breath smells like rotten jizz to get to a hospital immediately.
Here’s more of everyone’s favourite cheap-looking filler-faced porn star returning home from Ibiza with her pimp and her future third ex-husband. What in the name of Neverland Ranch hell is Kris wearing??? She looks like a third-rate Michael Jackson from a Kansas City touring production of Legends in Concert.