Open Post: Hosted By Selena Gomez’s Nalgas

August 1, 2014 / Posted by:

“Oh, look, I just found my new Twitter profile pic!” said Orlando Bloom.

As her soiled diaper lint of an ex-boyfriend Justin Bieber scraps with and throws Instagram taunts at the delicate elf Orlando Bloom, Selena Gomez proves that she’s above all that trash by going to a business meeting in L.A. in coochie-cutting denim panties. If you’re looking at Selena’s chipmunk ass cheeks and are thinking to yourself, “The hell kind of GD business meeting outfit is that?”, you need to immediately update your definition of “business meeting outfit.” I don’t go to that many business meetings, but when I do have to go to a business meeting, I always show up in serious business man shorty shorts, which explains why I’m always escorted out of the building by security.

Selena Gomez usually looks like a rejected member of the Chippettes playing dress up in her mother’s clothes, so I am shocked that she’s actually working a look I fully approve of. Selena looks like a Texas rest stop hooker whore who is hitchhiking and hooking her way through the state in hopes of getting to Las Vegas where she plans to become a dancer in a casino show but will end stripping for quarters at a drive–thru strip club in Reno (think Showgirls without the happy ending). The bruise and the ponytail (which looks like a raggedy dog’s dingle-filled tail) really elevate this look to the upper echelons of class. Selena’s jean coochie cutters is where elegance and demure meet.

Pics: FameFlynet, Splash

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