One year ago, the definition of random was redefined when Nickelback’s douche-dipped growly chanteuse Chad Kroeger married the neon pink Hot Topic urchin princess Avril Lavigne. Most people assumed their wedding was either a mistake or an accident or a mistake, so to celebrate beating the odds and staying married for a full year, Chad got on his Kawasaki Ninja and zipped over to Russell Oliver, where he picked out the most obnoxiously tacky ring in honor of his obnoxiously tacky wife. And even though it’s not covered in hot pink splatter paint or safety pins or Hello Kitty Jack Skellingtons, it looks like she loved it. Avril Lavigne tweeted this picture of her snuggling up to her maple sugar daddy with the caption:
“I still can’t believe my 1 year anniversary gift. 17 carat emerald cut. Wow. I love my hubby.”
I don’t know where Chad bought that ring, but if I was Avril, I’d feel really guilty about keeping it and probably take it back; any diamond purchased with Nickelback money is a conflict diamond. Then again, I doubt anyone will confuse her ring for an actual diamond. First of all, it looks like something found in the sale bin at Claire’s along with One Direction hair scrunchies and glow-in-the-dark frog earrings. Secondly, do Avril and Chad even have the kind of money that can buy 17-carat diamond rings? If so, then why the hell does Chad still use knock-off Sun-In from the 99¢ Store to lighten his hair? Upgrade to the Clairol Frost & Tip already, you budget bitch!
And pawn shop owners everywhere should start studying this picture now, because you’ll definitely be seeing the ring in person when Avril’s next album goes triple pyrite (100 copies in Manitoba) and she tries to sell it.