Scott Weiland Says The Scott Weiland Who Got Busted For Meth And Stealing Razors At Rite Aid Isn’t Him
“Uh huh, sure” – the look on that guy’s face behind him.
Yesterday, TMZ reported that Scott Weiland - the singer from the Stone Temple Pilots, Velvet Revolver, and former frequent visitor to the all-you-can-eat bad shit buffet – had been arrested four weeks ago and was currently sitting in an L.A. County jail cell. According to TMZ (via Gawker), Scott got busted stealing razors at a Rite Aid in Beverly Hills. Scott made a break for it, but got about halfway down the block before police caught up to him, and when they went to search him, they found his pockets were stuffed with more than Mach3′s; Scott’s pockets were filled with THE METH.
Scott Weiland allegedly pulled the “I’m Scott Weiland from the Stone Temple Pilots” card, but it didn’t do any damn good because they still hauled his ass down to the station and set his bail at $95,000. Rookie mistake! If he’d only have said “I’m the owner of the giant lumpy acid green moose knuckle in the ‘Big Bang Baby’ video”, he probably would have been given $95,000, asked to sign a couple autographs (“To Officer Jenkins – keep up the good work XO Scott Weiland’s dick bulge”), and set free! But he didn’t, and so Scott Weiland was booked for meth possession and burglary and has been sitting in a jail cell for four weeks waiting for Slash or Duff McKagan to post his bail. »
Zac Efron and Michelle Rodriguez would still be a couple if they hadn’t gone to Ibiza and he knew ahead this wasn’t what she meant by muff-diving. – Texndoc
Would someone please tell the Afghan Navy that this is not how it works. – perky
Marina Abramopug, the performance artist that not only the art world, but the world-at-large, NEEDS!
James Franco, Lady CaCa and Jay-Z’s homegirl Marina Abramovic is considered the most popular and biggest performance artist today and that’s never made sense to me, because the Porn Iguana is a much more prolific and emotional performance artist and the art world never gives her the credit she deserves! But anyway, in case you blocked it out, a few years ago, Marina Abramovic did that “The Artist Is Present” piece where she sat in a chair and stared deep into the eyes of the person sitting across from her. It was the Ice Bucket Challenge of its time, because practically everyone did it. HuffPo says that the grandmother of performance art is now in London doing a piece called “512 Hours” where she stands, stares, sits and does nothing for 65 days straight. Big deal, Marina. I’ve been doing nothing for decades! Where’s my grant from Kodak or wherever? While Marina does nothing at the Serpentine Gallery, her new protégée and future successor, Marina Abramopug is also bringing emotional art to the people of London at Hyde Park. File this under: This is what hipster’s consider “doggy playtime.”
Marina Abramopug has rebooted Marina Abramovic’s “The Artist Is Present” and is sitting in a chair where she stares into the soul of the person sitting across from her FOR HOURS (or until she gets bored and starts licking her ass, which usually happens about 2 minutes after her shift begins). Marina Abramopug’s “personal assistant,” comedian and performance artist, Hannah Ballou, said that she’s performed “The Artist (And The Dog Fart She Just Pooted Out) Is Present” twice already and there might be more to come:
“She’s open to performing the work again if invited by a suitably prestigious institution. She’s in discussions with rapper Snoop Dogg about a future collaboration, which we think will really shake up the art world.”
Those who have been lucky to sit across from Marina Abramopug have said that they experienced a real emotional breakthrough. They started to cry and their hands shook and mostly because they were resisting the urge to straighten that pug’s wig. Bitch’s wig is crooked!
Valerie Harper (75)
James Corden (36)
Rodrigo Santoro (39)
Beenie Man (41)
Howie Dorough (41)
Kristen Wiig (41)
Richard Armitage (43)
Rick Yune (43)
Giada De Laurentiis (44)
Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje (47)
Ty Burrell (47)
Andrew Wilson (50)
Tori Amos (51)
Debbi Peterson of The Bangles (53)
Diana Nyad (65)
Cindy Williams (67)
David Chase (69)
Honor Blackman (89)
Because it’s been approximately 10 minutes since V. Stiviano has gotten any attention and her fame whore spot needed scratching, she filed papers today claiming that she never boned the racist hemorrhoid known as Donald Sterling, because he loves dick and she was his beard. Donald Sterling’s wife Shelly Sterling is suing V. Stiviano, because she says her husband gave that trollop fancy gifts like cars and a house and he was not authorized to do so. The lawsuit has been going on for a while, but TMZ says that today V. Stiviano decided to add a dose of fuckery to it by giving all of us the image of Donald Sterling’s eyes twinkling with sheer happiness as he fills his mouth with man ass. My prostate just fell out of my ass and I better go run after it before it finds a way to open my front door.
Stiviano states … she was “not ever a sexual partner of Donald T. Sterling” and “believes that [Sterling] is a homosexual and enjoys sexual acts and or sexual congress with males.”
In the legal doc, filed in L.A. County Superior Court, Stiviano says Shelly was “acutely aware of [Donald's] sexual orientation and condoned same as well as acknowledged and approved [Donald's] gifts of money [to Stiviano].”
Stiviano also says the gifts she received were NOT community property — but rather Donald’s separate property.
V. Stiviano has thrown her own lawsuit at the Sterlings for slandering her pristine name by saying that she embezzled money from Donald. She wants at least $10 million.
I don’t know if V. Stiviano is a genius or a complete moron with cold farts for brains. I mean, Donald Sterling had a beard wife AND a beard side piece? A beard wife wasn’t good enough and he wanted to show the world that he’s a super hetero so he got a beard mistress too. That racist sack of burnt foreskins invented double down bearding. John Travolta is getting an ideas.
V. Stiviano is about as trustworthy as a Lohan, but maybe she’s not totally spitting out lies to get attention. He has been accused of doing this:
Donald Sterling would bring women into the locker room after games, while the players were showering, and make comments such as, ‘Look at those beautiful black bodies.’
NOOOOO! NOOO! We don’t want him! You straights take him. We’ll trade him for ANYONE. We’ll take Larry King, okay?
A rep for the NFL says that the only 2015 Super Bowl Half-Time Show act they’ve ruled out is Janet Jackson. Oh, the NFL, where flashing a harmless lady nipple is an unforgivable sin, but abusing dogs and women isn’t – Lainey Gossip
A chick on the Vh1 reality shit show Dating Naked is suing for $10 million after her un-blurred chocha appeared on thousands of TV screens. In Vh1′s defense, Scott Baio has been on their network and they never blurred his vagina face – Defamer
Theresa “Gorilla Head” Giudice did the Ice Bucket Challenge and bitch should get used to it, because she’ll be taking a whole lot of cold showers in the clink – Reality Tea
Chelsea Handler doesn’t care about Chuy anymore – WWTDD
The NFL wants singers and musicians to pay for the Half-Time spot and I’ll gladly donate $10 for Charo to get the gig! – Celebitchy
Kirk Cameron delivers another visual Christian sleeping pill to the world – The Superficial
This is supposed to be Vanessa Hudgens on Flaunt Magazine – Drunken Stepfather
Alaska Thunderfuck won the Ice Bucket Challenge – Towleroad
And some sucio fuck somewhere will fap to this and that sucio fuck’s name may or may not be Richard Gere – Jezebel
The hell are Rita Ora and Chrissy Teigen doing? – Hollywood Tuna
Pierce Brosnan could’ve been Batman – Pajiba
Hilary Duff walks to her car in front of the paps for the 1,500th time this week and as she does so, she thinks to herself, “This walking to my car in front of the paps thing is real hard” – Popoholic
Vintage Henry Cavill - Boy Culture
In case you forgot, Meg Ryan and John Mellencamp were doing it, but they’re not anymore – ICYDK
A cum gutter buffet - The Berry
Pete Wentz named his son SAINT LAZSLO and somewhere Bronx Mowgli is saying to his new half-brother, “Feel my pain, kid, feel my pain” – Just Jared
Behold, the cinematic jewel that will pull Mischa Barton’s career out of the ashes - OMG Blog
Kristen Stewart did the Ice Bucket Challenge using her dirty bathwater. Yeah, more like the Piss Bucket Challenge, because you know she pees in the tub – Popsugar
Nick Cannon tells The Insider’s Chris Spencer that some of the rumors about the state of his marriage to The Elusive Divorcee are true and some are not. Nick says it’s true that he is living in a different house than Mimi and their marriage is circling the toilet drain. But Nick says that he never passed his dick to a side piece while they were together and neither of them have cheated.
Chris said, “He said ‘yes, [they'r e] going through a rough patch. There’s nothing to do with infidelity.’ He didn’t confirm that it was over, but he did say that they’ve been living separately for a few months now.”
In other words, they hate each other, they don’t want to see each other’s faces and they’ll announce they’re officially done on the same day that she releases the reissue of The Emancipation of Mimi featuring “Shake It Off (The Divorce Remix).”
The good news for Nick is that he doesn’t have to spend hours, days and weeks getting that ridiculously fugly “Mariah” tattoo lasered off of his back. It kind of looks like “Marion,” so all he has to do is get a portrait tattoo of Marion Ross from Happy Days under it and his back becomes a beautiful altar to a TV legend!
Perfect and a total upgrade!
And if you can stand to see another ho do the Ice Bucket Challenge, click here to see Nick doing it. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to do the bleach bucket challenge, because I actually got the tingles while looking at the douche from Love Don’t Cost A Thing without his top on.
If “Sex Shooter“ doesn’t play in Papa Joe’s head when he struts into the club looking like that, he needs to strut back to his car, drive back to his condo, take a good look in the mirror and see the hotness we all see. Because Papa Joe is shooting love, sex and glamour in your direction. Come on play with his affections.
You might not think that following things would look hot together: the sneakers Madonna wears when she wants to be super street, a post-apocalyptic grandma’s shawl vest, oversized black work pants and a luxurious green leather shirt from International Male’s special Christmas catalog in 1985. But those things do look hot together when thrown on Papa Joe’s body. Papa Joe made tips moist and b-holes pucker last night when he flashed a little white belly meat while going to Warwick in Hollywood. This is what you get when you add a mid-life crisis, Jessica Simpson’s credit card and a twinky salesboy who can get a daddy to buy the ugliest and most overpriced crap in the store by saying, “Damn that looks hot on you!”
If Papa Joe’s trying to kill the gay rumors by wearing an outfit that no gay man I know would wear under any circumstance, then it’s kind of working, actually.
Pic: Pacific Coast News
I felt kind of bad cutting Basement Baby out of the picture, but then I was like, whatever, she’s used to it.
Tina Knowles, the ageless Mogwai goddess who birthed Beyoncé, was leaving lunch in Beverly Hills earlier today when she ran into TMZ. Personally, if I was lucky enough to run into Tina Knowles, I’d ask her a question like: “Do you think The Costume Institute will ever recognize your endless contributions to the fashion world?” or “Did you make Michelle look the worst on purpose?”, but I guess being in the presence of such an avant-garde visionary of neon lace and fringe made them all kinds of starstruck, and their paralyzed brains could only burp out a question about Beyoncé and Jay-Z’s crumbling feta cheese of a marriage. According to Momma Yoncé, things between her daughter and Joe Camel aren’t just fine, they’re PERFECT!
Mama Tina must think we have dirty rhinestone dust for brains, because everybody knows that Bey and Jay’s relationshit (typo that stays) is about as stable as Solange in an elevator. So if she’s going to lie, at least exaggerate a little! Tell us things are so good between Bey and Jay, that they’re looking into an experimental surgery where their lips are fused together so they never have to stop kissing, or they’re planning on recording an album that’s just the sound of them staring into each others eyes, or that Beyoncé is pregnant with ten-tuplets and they’ll all be named Shawn Carter. Come on, have a little fun with it, Mama Tina!
Hmmm, what could ever go wrong?
Bad news for hoteliers and sheiks, Lindsay Lohan is no longer available 24 hours a day for all their escorting needs, because she’s shacking up with one of her regulars. InTouch Weekly says that in between terrorizing London and rehearsing for the play that she’ll drop out of 10 minutes before the first performance after she suddenly gets “the flu,” LiLo met an older investment banker type named Patrick Mahony and he’s moved her into his house where he lives with his two young daughters. The source says that LiLo and her sugar daddy are playing house and she’s really bonding with his daughters. That giant wind storm that just blew through England was from every Child Protective Services social worker sighing, because their case load is about to get heavier.
“She’s living with him. Lindsay helps the kids take baths. She really pitches in looking after them, and the girls really like her. She’s finally in a mature relationship with a really grounded guy.”
If this is true, I’m sure it’ll end with LiLo trying to trade his kids for half of an Adderall and a Marlboro Light in the parking lot of a Tesco, but I’m sure they’ll all make beautiful memories together before that happens. Patrick’s daughters will forever remember the time that LiLo gently rubbed their bellies while barking at them in a hushed voice to hurry up and shit out the diamond and gold rings she made them swallow during a “browsing” trip to Cartier.
Here’s the future Stepmother of the Year doing the Ice Bucket Challenge on The Tonight Show last night. I don’t know who nominated her, but I’m guessing it was the CDC, because they figured it was one way to try to get her to take a shower. Well played, CDC!
FYI to the haters out there: LiLo also donated to ALS. She sent them a coupon for 1 complimentary blow job (a $10 value), thankyouverymuch! I’m sure that’s more than your asses donated!