Elizabeth Banks Doesn’t Want Anyone To Feel Guilty For Getting Their Hump On

July 29, 2014 / Posted by:

Elizabeth Banks may be married with two kids, but today she’s an honorary shameless slut of the highest order (I’m glueing together a crafty construction paper award ribbon with glitter and Astroglide for her as we speak). Elizabeth, who I bet goes by “Dirty Liz” when she’s feeling extra horny, spoke to New You magazine (via HuffPo) and explained that she believes the children are our future, and we must teach them the blissful joy that comes from happily rubbing your down-lows against another boner or pussy pocket, and also to stop throwing them judgemental side-eyes as if they were promiscuous trampy gutter trash:

“It’s a huge disservice to young people to put shame into the equation. That’s what bothers me the most about it and why I speak so openly about sex. I promote safe sex, always, and abstinence until you are madly in love. But at the same time I have no desire to shame any young person about what’s going on in their life or about general sexuality or their bodies.”

I’m not sure what sex-ed is like in America, since I was taught the “one beaver to one maple syrup” system in Canada, but I think what Elizabeth Banks is saying about sex makes plenty of sense, and I for one would love to see her create a nationwide standardized sex-ed curriculum. She covers all the bases! Abstinence for the religious kids, “madly in love” sex for the kids who plan on marry their high school sweetheart two seconds after they graduate, safe sex for the kids who want to get some decent experimenting in before they leave for college, and guilt-free no-string-attached fucking for the future hos of this great country. Let us teach the next generation of horny sluts to be proud of their unquenchable thirst for peens and poons. Stand tall! Hold your head high! You know, for pride, but also so you don’t get an eye-full of hot jizz.

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