Seen above showing 60-something women the RIGHT way to dress, Susan Sarandon talked to The Daily Beast while promoting her new movie The Last of Robin Hood. The Daily Beast didn’t ask Susan Sarandon the question I’d ask, which is, why would she let them put a tortured, beaten elderly poodle on her head for that movie I paid way too much to see, but they did ask her about the child-touching turtle, Burning Man, drugs and David Bowie. Based on her answers, it’s clear that the ping pong-playing cougar isn’t going to be in a Woody Allen movie anytime soon (but like she gives three fucks) and I’m suddenly jealous of her twat, because it has been touched by the intergalactic, glitter-covered alien rod attached to David Bowie’s crotch.
On if she did psychedelics when she went to Burning Man last year: Well, it’s pretty psychedelic to begin with. But, yeah, I’m not new to the idea of mushrooms. I don’t really like chemical things, really. Timothy Leary was a friend of mine, so that acid was nice and pure, but I’m not really looking for chemicals, and I don’t like to feel speedy. But I’ve done Ayahuasca and I’ve done mushrooms and things like that. But I like those drugs in the outdoors—I’m not a city-tripper. My attitude about marijuana or anything is, “Don’t be stoned if you have to pretend you’re not,” so I’d never do drugs if I was taking care of my kids. I like doing it in the Grand Canyon, or in the woods. You want to be prepared and not have responsibilities. It does remind you of your space in the universe—your place in the universe—and reframe things for you. I think you can have some very profound experiences.
On legalizing the good shit in NYC and everywhere else: It got decriminalized in small amounts. It will be legal everywhere, and that will cause a very interesting tipping point. Certainly, if more people were smoking instead of drinking, people don’t get mean on weed, don’t beat up their wives on weed, and don’t drive crazy on weed. They just get hungry, don’t go out of the house, or laugh a lot. I think it would make for a much more gentle world. Well, it needs to be treated as a controlled substance in that you don’t give it to kids, and you don’t drive. Certainly, liquor has caused many more deaths. There’s never been a death by marijuana. And the money spent to incarcerate people, the money spent on the drug war, and the fact that cartels are running wild, it’s crazy.
On her issues with Woody Allen: I think he really tore that family apart in a way that was horrible, and hasn’t really dealt with the aftermath. He’s always had a reputation for being with younger girls—I mean younger girls. And also, that young woman [Soon-Yi] was very vulnerable, and I think it was very hard for the siblings, and certainly for Mia. You just don’t go there. You don’t go there.
On doing and dating David Bowie back in the day: Yeah. He’s worth idolizing. He’s extraordinary. That was a really interesting period. I wasn’t supposed to have kids, and I’m the oldest of nine and had mothered all of them, so I wasn’t ever in a mode to where I was looking to settle down and raise a family, so that definitely changes the gene pool you’re dipping into. But Bowie’s just a really interesting person, and so bright. He’s a talent, and a painter, and… he’s great.
I nodded my head like, “Tell it, bitch,” at a lot of stuff that came out of Susan Sarandon’s mouth, but the record scratched and she lost me when she said something that doesn’t make any sense. Susan made my brain squint and fart out a question mark when she said, “So I’d never do drugs if I was taking care of my kids.” There is a time and a place to smoke the good shit and one of those times is when you’re about to take care of some screaming brats. Taking care of kids while sober? Has playing all that ping pong jiggled her brains?
One time, my cousin asked me to take care of her 4-year-old for 30 minutes while she went to the store and she told me not to drink too much booze because I needed to stay alert (whatever that meant). Telling me “Don’t drink a lot of booze while taking care of this screaming, crying child for 30 minutes” is like telling me, “I really want you to have a nervous breakdown and run into oncoming traffic while pulling your head off of your neck with your hands.” Bitch was sending me on a suicide mission.
So again, what is Susan Sarandon saying? Has she ever been around children? She must’ve been stoned when she said it. I take that back it. She was obviously sober when she said it. That’s the problem.