Yesterday, Nicki Minaj released the artwork for her upcoming single “Anaconda”, which featured a shot of Nicki proudly showing off her hungry silicone-stuffed beanbag chair booty devouring a pink g-string. Most of us rolled our eyes and told her to put it away, since we’ve all seen her ass a million times. And apparently our lack of respect for her airbrushed bubble butt pissed Nicki off, because last night she took to Instagram to complain.
Nicki posted four pictures of skinny swimsuit models like Nina Agdal and Lily Aldridge (you can’t call her racist though, because she threw in a picture of 1/2 Thai Chrissy Teigen) popping their bony model butts out with the caption: “Acceptable”. She then re-posted the picture of her greased up anaconda-swallowing-a-baby-hippo ass, which she captioned “Unacceptable”. Yes, it IS unacceptable! Why isn’t anyone trying to save that poor baby hippo?!?
Obviously she’s just upset that there weren’t more people drooling over her overstuffed pasta shells ass, but she’s sort of going after the wrong people (or butts, as the case may be). Comparing the bony flat asses of a bunch of boring Sports Illustrated swimsuit models to Nicki’s plastic grocery bag filled with off-brand Fix-A-Flat is an apples-to-oranges situation. It’s sort of like the time I threw shade at my friend after she’d admitted to smoking meth, and she hissed back that I was a hypocrite because I drank Diet Coke (her logic was that it’s “all chemicals”. Classic meth logic). Butts and meth, it’s all the same, you know?
But what Nicki doesn’t realize is that when people where telling her to put her to put her ass away, it was because we were trying to protect her! The second The Hammaconda got wind of the artwork for “Anaconda”, it would have no doubt called its lawyers and demanded they draft up a cease and desist regarding the blatant appropriation of their name, as well as the unlawful resemblance between their balls and her ass.