John Travolta Can’t Stop His Alleged Former Gay Lover From Writing A Tell-All

July 24, 2014 / Posted by:

In “THIS IS BRAND NEW INFORMATION” news, a California pilot who once worked for John Travolta claims that the darling of Scientology loves dick and the two had a great, big six-year-long gay love affair in the 80s. I know, what other anal bead-clutching SHOCKING revelations is this pilot going to hit us with? Is he going to tell us that the rug on John’s head is made of skinned papillons and that every Friday night he performs Barbra Streisand’s greatest hits in the Scientology bath house? I need to hold onto something sturdy, because I don’t think I can take it.

John’s alleged former gay lovah, Doug Gotterba, wants to make a quick check by writing all about his time with John’s Scientolohole in a new book. John’s lawyers tried to put a stop to the tell-all, but it didn’t work. The Hollywood Reporter says that an appeals court judge in California ruled on Tuesday that John can no longer try to stop Doug from exposing their gay love in a book. John’s lawyer Marty Singer claims that Doug signed a strict confidentiality agreement in 1987, but Doug’s lawyer claims that document is about as authentic as John’s hair. The judge ruled in Doug’s favor and spit out this stream of legal words:

“Although the prelitigation letters may have triggered Gotterba’s complaint and may be evidence in support of the complaint, they are not the basis of the complaint.

[To hold otherwise] would lead to the absurd result that a person receiving a demand letter threatening legal action for breach of contract would be precluded from seeking declaratory relief to determine the validity of the contract. Declaratory relief would be limited to situations where the parties have not communicated their disagreement.”

Translation: Doug can write about doing butt sex with John Travolta.

Doug tells The National Enquirer (of course) that he first met John in 1981 when he interviewed for a pilot job. John gave Doug the job and later gave him other jobs if you know what I mean (and yes, I stopped typing for a second to make the hand signs for “hand job” and “blow job“). Seven months after he got the job, he and John were boyfriends. For years, they traveled all over the world together and Doug claims he’s the one who told John he should get a beard. John took his advice and started dating Brooke Shields.

“Sometimes he’d bring women along as beards, but he would ask me to join him in his suite and we’d spend the nights together. It was our little secret.”

They broke up sometime in 1986, because Doug says that John was a jealous mess and kept accusing him of doing other dudes. John’s lawyer, who has a canned “deny the gay stuff” statement on file,  called Doug’s story a ridiculous lie.

Doug claims that he has proof! Doug kept logs and records! Marty Singer can suck on that, because logs and records are solid proof! When I write my tell-all in a few years about how Anderson Cooper and I have had a 10-year-long gay love affair and together we adopted a ginger baby named Rojo Jr. who was raised by her au pair Shauna Sand in the back room of an In-N-Out, everyone will know I’m telling the truth, because I’ll have logs and records as proof. Logs and records!

Hos making a dollar by selling out the celebrities they boned is nothing new and neither are tales of John Travolta’s Scientolohole, but I’m still all for this non-scandalous tell-all as long as it eventually gets made into a Lifetime movie co-starring Teddy Bear the Porcupine as John’s wig. Teddy Bear really needs a breakout role.

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