When Zoe Saldana showed up to the Guardians of the Galaxy premiere wearing a giant sanitary belt over her front of her dress, most people figured it was because:
A) Her stylist was trying to get fired.
B) She was trying to distract our eyes from noticing that a fetus had moved into her womb.
But the second she turned to the side, all that crafty trompe l’oeil masking tape trickery was useless, and it was pretty obvious she had a case of the babies. Us Weekly says that Zoe Saldana, star of TWO of the greatest dramatic films since the invention of celluloid, Crossroads and Center Stage, is pregnant with her first child. An insider claims that Zoe is three months pregnant, but will only announce it when she’s ready. Until then, I look forward to more awkward attempts at disguising her fetus pouch.
This will be the first baby for Zoe and her husband, Italian artist Marco Perego, and the source claims they’re both super excited. Personally, I’m excited to see if their baby pops out with a full head of luscious butter-colored Fabio hair like its father. I mean, obviously it will, since a luxurious shoulder-length male model mane is hereditary (#science).
So congrats to Zoe and her hot Italian husband Marco Polo! And to baby Saldana-Perego: you might want to schedule a Silkwood shower and a hep shot immediately after you exit your mom, because there’s a chance you were conceived between two train cars on the New York City subway.