Hot Slut Of The Day!

July 22, 2014 / Posted by:

Agnes McKee, the 105-year-old bad bitch of  Oceanside, CA who threw the first pitch at some Padres game on Sunday!

Carly Rae Jepsen, 50 Cent and Mimi need to hire Agnes McKee to teach them how not to throw a first pitch like a half-blind, paraplegic T-Rex. Because Agnes McKee puts all of them to shame (although, that’s not really hard to do). The San Diego Padres asked Agnes McKee to throw out the first pitch at one of their games, because her war veteran husband, who died last year, played baseball in the olden days. After Agnes accepted the Padres’ invitation, she trained at her retirement home in Oceanside, because she didn’t want to look like a total dumb shit out there (see: 50, Carly, etc…). Agnes threw out an underhand pitch and confirmed my suspicions: if we were back in the 5th grade together and it was time to pick teams for softball, she’d get picked way before I did. But then again, a half-blind paraplegic T-Rex would get picked before me.

The Cy Young of memaws told KSWB-San Diego after throwing the first pitch that she’s not really into the Padres, because they don’t win shit.

“I haven’t been very into the Padres because they don’t ever win any games. I tried to learn the names of some of the ball players in case somebody asked me that.”

We all know where this is going. The Padres suck and Agnes McKee is a world-class pitcher. You don’t need to have the impeccable SLYCIC skills of The Long Island Medium to know that at the 2015 World Series, the announcer will announce, “And pitching first for the Padres is Agnes McKee!”

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