It’s Monday, so you might as well start stretching your eye roll muscle and prepare it for a week’s worth of eye rolling by scanning Kanye West’s latest cold puddle of verbal wet shit. Seen above looking like a constipated, bitchy toddler throwing a pout tantrum after you tell him he can’t wear his favorite black leather jogging pants, Kuntye farted at the mouth to GQ about his stupid wedding, stupid fashion shit and how Kim Kartrashian is the greatest thing to happen to the world. Most of us are so used to Kanye filling our heads with dried dingles of delusion, so he said, “I AM LIKE THE JEWS AND THE PAPARAZZI ARE LIKE HITLER,” we’d just roll our eyes a little to the left and continue chewing our breakfast sandwich. Kanye doesn’t compare the paparazzi to Hitler, but he does say that being a celebrity today is like being black in the 1960s. Either I wasn’t totally paying attention during the lesson on the Civil Rights Movement in the 6th grade or Kanye’s brain has been switched with that of a dead sloth, because I somehow missed the part where black people were given Givenchy gowns to wear to their protests and instead of getting attacked by police dogs and beaten by racists, they had their picture taken and were asked to sign autographs. I was taught wrong! The American education system is really leaving every child behind. Kuntye should be named Secretary of Education, so he can teach the children how history really went.
As soon as the interview starts, Kanye opens up his insufferable delusion dispenser and he completely loses me. I have no idea what he’s talking about most of the time and I smoke weed. Spam emails make sense to me. Kanye dribbles out some shit about the wedding, being a blowfish and Carine Roitfeld . If you really want to hurt your brain, you can read the entire interview here. I’ve thrown up a few highlights (and by “highlights” I mean “lowlights“) after the cut. WARNING: A severe flash flood of delusion and insanity is ahead:
Like that TMZ video from last year, where you’re walking with your pregnant fiancée with your head down to avoid the paparazzi, to the point where you walked into a sign and hit your head. Then TMZ made fun of you for walking into the sign. How do you live like that?
It’s difficult. And then put on top of that the idea of going and taking meetings with people, and people say, “We don’t want to work with you, because we saw you get mad about running into the sign.”
Does that kind of mockery feel like an effort to de-fang you?
But also, there’s no fangs. I don’t have fangs. I’m a porcupine. I’m a blowfish. Like, I’m a—what’s the fish that blows up?
Yeah. I’m a blowfish. I’m not a shark, I’m a blowfish. So that perfect example about me hitting my head, it’s like a blowfish. I wasn’t coming out of my house going to a paparazzi’s house to attack them. I’m defending my family in front of my own house. I’m defending my name as someone’s screaming something negative at me. That’s a blowfish. People have me pinned as a shark or a predator in some way, and in no way am I that. I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone. I want to defend people. I want to help people.
Then they say you gave a forty-five-minute toast to yourself [at your wedding].
And what I talked about in it was the idea of celebrity, and celebrities being treated like blacks were in the ’60s, having no rights, and the fact that people can slander your name. I said that in the toast. And I had to say this in a position where I, from the art world, am marrying Kim. And how we’re going to fight to raise the respect level for celebrities so that my daughter can live a more normal life. She didn’t choose to be a celebrity. But she is. So I’m going to fight to make sure she has a better life.
How does it feel when you read something like that account of your wedding or you see a photo of you looking glum at a zipline go viral?
My feelings don’t matter anymore.
But you voluntarily married into a celebrity family, right? In 2014, there are no bigger tabloid stars than Kim Kardashian.
In the speech, I talked about the idea of collaboration and all the people involved working together and being able to change things. Meaning there was a time for two or three years where fashion designers wouldn’t give Kim dresses. There was a time they wouldn’t even let me be at shows. Now the idea that Kim is in a Givenchy Couture dress is raising the communication. Because people would be more apt to be like, “Celebrities don’t really have style. Celebrities can’t dress. Celebrities are less educated.” But they haven’t had the chance to be able to break through and have Carine Roitfeld sitting right there. Carine Roitfeld is the Walt Disney of what Tumblr is today. She is the Kanye West of what Tumblr is today. She’s the single most important person to what street style is today. And she was at the wedding seven seats down from Kim, who is one of the number one fashion plates of today. So I said, “Wow, Carine is seven seats down from Kim. Farnaz [Farjam], the producer of the Kardashians and the producer of The Real World, is four seats down from [director] Steve McQueen. And four seats, because in between them is Hosain [Rahman] from Jawbone.” This is what I talked about. That was not a forty-five-minute speech to myself. Do you realize what that means for those people to be in that close of a proximity to each other?
But if you read a lot of the tabloid coverage, the implication is: Kim and her family are bringing you down. Jay Z and Beyoncé didn’t show up at your wedding because of them. That kind of thing.
All that, I wouldn’t even speak on. It doesn’t even matter to me whatsoever, who would show up. Because the most important person to show up there, to me, was Kim. And that’s all that matters to me. I had to fight for that for seven years. But the fact that these other people showed up that are from such different worlds but have done such dynamic things—they’re all, in a way, equal to what Kim has done in TV or what I had done in music. I was so moved that I just wanted people to stop and think they weren’t sitting at a table full of fashion people, they weren’t sitting at a table full of celebrities, they weren’t sitting at a table full of movie directors. It really was a representation of the way we receive information today, post-Internet. And so Page Six can’t overshadow the main point: Carine Roitfeld was sitting next to Kim Kardashian. That alone to me is like the same moment when I brought Mos Def to the studio with Jay Z. It’s about the people, and the fact that they’re from different walks of life, and that they’re working together and not discriminating against each other. There was a class system, and now there’s a creative class system, and I think that’s what you were talking about a bit—the class system of creativity.
Your wedding photo, which is currently the most liked photo on Instagram ever.
That’s because of who?
I don’t know.
Don’t say you don’t know! It’s because of Kim. Meaning there’s no photo that I would have put up by myself, or next to one of my smarty friends, that would have got that amount of likes. So now you take this photo that has that amount of likes, and it has a flower wall from the same guy who does the Lanvin shows, and it has a couture Givenchy dress and Givenchy tuxedo in it. That’s the point. Now the thing that is the most popular is also communicating the highest level of creativity. The concept of Kimye has more cultural significance than what Page Six could write.
Why’d you decide to get married?
Saying “Hey, I like Kim” isn’t as inspiring to people as us getting married. And anyone that’s in a relationship knows that in order to get to the point to get married and then to be married and to then carry on, it needs that work put into it. Right now, people look at it and it’s like, “Wow, that’s inspiring.” Meaning that love is infectious. You know, God is infectious—God flowing through us and us being little-baby creators and shit. But His energy and His love and what He wants us to have as people and the way He wants us to love each other, that is infectious. Like they said in Step Brothers: Never lose your dinosaur. This is the ultimate example of a person never losing his dinosaur. Meaning that even as I grew in cultural awareness and respect and was put higher in the class system in some way for being this musician, I never lost my dinosaur.
Kim is this girl who fucking turns me on. I love her. This is who I want to be next to and be around. And then people would try to say, “Well, you know, if you’re a musician, you should be with a musician, and if you want to design, you need to be with a girl from the design world.” I don’t give a fuck about people’s opinions. Because when a kid falls in love with an airplane or a bike or a dinosaur—especially if you’re an only child and it’s not because of the book that the sibling was reading—it’s like, fuck, you mean to tell me that the dinosaurs walked the earth and stuff like that?! That’s amazing! You mean to tell me that these giant multi-ton crafts can fly that fast and that loud, and they can flip, and there’s danger, the possibility of them exploding? That’s fucking cool! You mean to tell me that this girl with this fucking body and this face is also into style, and she’s a nice person, and she has her own money and is family-oriented? That’s just as cool as a fucking fighter jet or dinosaur! And just as rarely seen.
How the Hell is Kanye walking amongst us?! If any of us went out in public and said that celebrities are treated the same way black people were in the 1960s and that Kim Kuntrashian is the most important fashion icon of our time and that Carine Roitfeld is the Walt Disney of what Tumblr is today, the last thing we’d see before blacking out is two men in white coats running toward us while holding nets and tranquilizer guns. We’d wake up strapped to a gurney and our loved ones would be stroking our heads while saying, “Tell these nice doctors you didn’t mean what you said about Kim Kardashian….”
And here’s Kanye in….leather jogging pants.