George Clooney Says He’s “Marrying Up”

July 21, 2014 / Posted by:

When George Clooney ties the knot with fancy London lawyer Amal Alamuddin (I love typing her name because it always makes me think of a scoop of ice cream drizzled with TGI Friday’s Mudslide mix) it will be more than just a wedding, it will be a baptism. The second George slips another very fancy ring on Amal’s fancy finger and promises to love, honor, and cherish her while wobbling his head in that charming George Clooney way, it will wash away the years he spent whipping around Lake Como with topless 25-year-old party girls on his jet ski.

Well, at least that’s what he thinks will happen. Regina George called up Variety to bitch about his recent wig-snatching fight with The Daily Mail over some not-true comments about his fiancé and her family (mostly about them being ashamed she was marrying Booker from Roseanne) and he didn’t really say anything new, since there are only so many ways you can say “OMG, they’re like, obsessed with me, right? It’s so pathetic.” But he did end the conversation by reminding us that, yeah, Amal is about to get hitched to Booker from Roseanne, saying:

“I’m marrying up.”

Ouch! George, how dare you? I know Amal Alamuddin is a ~very~ fancy lady, but it’s not exactly his first time at the Pure Class and Refined Sophistication Rodeo. Has he already forgotten about Sarah Larson? Stacy Keibler? ELISABETTA CANALIS?!?! Newsflash, George! It’s not technically “marrying up” if you’ve already had the cream of the crop, aka a coke-gobbling Italian showgirl with a tribal armband tattoo.

Pic: Fame Flynet

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