Believe it or not, the ESPYs weren’t The Drake Show and the entire night wasn’t completely filled with Drake doing skits, Drake yanking at Macklewhore’s as every single person in the audience looked at him with a look that said, “You totally wish a tongue was up your butt right now, right?” They actually gave out awards. Sadly, they didn’t give an award to Jordan Ayew’s dick for Best Performance By A Bulge At World Cup and they didn’t give a lifetime achievement award to Kim Kardashian’s snatch for all the contributions its made to the sports world. But they did give a special award of courage to openly gay NFL player Michael Sam of the St. Louis Rams. As his boyfriend Vito Cammisano got teary in the eyes, Michael Sam poured out an emotional speech and it might’ve been the only time in the show when people in the audience and watching at home weren’t thinking to themselves, “I bet Drake is backstage getting his ass eaten.” Michael Sam’s speech is above, but here’s a piece of the transcript courtesy of Towleroad:
“Finally, Arthur Ashe said, ‘Do what you can.’ Those have been very meaningful words to me. The way I see it, my responsibility at this moment in history is to stand up for everybody out there who wants nothing more than to be themselves openly. Recently, a friend asked me to talk to his sister, a young woman who was considering killing herself rather than accepting and sharing with her loved ones the fact that she’s gay. When we spoke, she told me she would never consider hurting herself and that somehow my example helped her. It’s amazing to think that, by just doing what we can, we can all touch, change and even save lives.
I want to take a moment to just thank some of my friends who have helped me. (Agents) Cameron Weiss and Joe Barkett, young guys who took a chance on me, just like I took a chance on them. And (public relations consultant) Ken Sunshine. Ronnie and Candy Purl, who have done so much to help me get here. My entire Mizzou family for all the support you’ve given me. You will always be home. And to the Rams organiztion — (owner) Stan Kroenke, (general manager) Les Snead, (head coach Jeff) Fisher and my teammates. To my mother (JoAnn Sam), a single mother who somehow raised eight kids, I love you dearly.
Last but not least, (boyfriend and former Missouri swimmer) Vito (Cammisano). People tell me that I’m their inspiration. You are my inspiration.
Standing here tonight looking out at all these legends who have already achieved so much is one of the thrills of my life. I promise to spend the rest of my life trying my best to live up to this honor and become the best football player I can.”
Touching and emotional and yes at one point I wanted to scream, “Stop with the cryyyyyyying, Michael Sam! You’re like my drunk cousin at a family party.” (Booze is my cousin’s cry fuel. She once cried for real because the quesadillas were so good. They were made with Velveeta so I couldn’t judge her too much.) But I didn’t scream that, because I remembered that I can never EVER ever EVER call a ho out for crying. Because a shameful, embarrassing moment of weakness came to me. I remembered the time that I got weepy in a dark theater while watching The Fault In Our Stars with tweens all around me. My emotions did me wrong. But in my defense, I think I was mostly weeping because I realized I was watching a Shailene Woodley movie while surrounded by tweens.
Here’s some pics from the ESPYs of people with hot bodies covering their hot bodies with boring ass clothes.