Despite the fact that her forehead is smoother than the ice under a zamboni and her eyebrows look like they’re being hoisted up by invisible angels and that overall she looks like she falls somewhere between “Rachel Zoe” and “Courteney Cox” on the Kidman Scale of Stiffness, Kelly Ripa has confirmed what anyone with at least one working eyeball already knows: that her face is full of Botox. The love child of Tinkerbell and The Hulk was on Watch What Happens Live on Tuesday where she revealed her “beauty secret” (it’s not a secret if everyone knows, but go on) to a caller:
“Botox. And that’s pretty much it. People are very ritualistic about their beauty routine. I am not. I’m not advocating one way or the other but I’m just saying Botox has changed my life. It’s cut my getting ready time in half…suddenly my eyelids are no longer resting on my eyelashes. I think the key with anything is knowing what you look like and being a minimalist.”
Except when it comes to her belly button, in which case, Kelly Ripa is all “FUCK MINIMALISM – GO BIG OR GO HOME”. Although something tells me she’s given it the Botox treatment too, because that thing is as plump and smooth as a grape.
Maybe it’s because I’m not a scientist and the only thing I really know about Botox is that it can take a normal-looking face and turn it into something that resembles a cheap halloween mask made from melted butterscotch pudding (see: Kim Kardashian). But is it safe to inject it into your eyelids? Ugh, listen to me – I’ll CLEARLY never be a glamorous frozen-faced beauty. What would my plasticine-faced earth angel, Bruce Jenner, say if he hear me asking such dumb questions? “Oh Allison, of course it’s not safe! But you can’t correct what you won’t inject!”