When Cameron Diaz admitted on Watch What Happens Live back in April that she once took the L train to taco town, everybody immediately shifted their eyes over to Drew Barrymore as if to ask “Well, how was it?”, followed by “No, seriously, how was it.” However, Cameron has told Harper’s Bazaar (via UsWeekly) that people need to stop picturing her joker mouth going to town on Drew’s lispy pussy, because she would NEVAH do such a thing. Drew is like a sister, but not that kind of sister, you sickos!
“People will always speculate. People like scandal. They like to put a label on something that they don’t understand. It makes them feel comfortable. Mostly they like to guess who it could be. Some media outlet called for a comment and they wanted to know whether I was with Drew. Literally, I said, ‘That makes me want to vomit in my mouth.’ That’s like saying I’m having sex with my sister. Are you crazy? I wouldn’t even ménage with her!”
Even though “I wouldn’t even ménage with her” is the most perfect insult to ever come from the mouth of a slut, it makes no goddamn sense. Of course you wouldn’t have a threesome with someone you weren’t comfortable going down on. DUH! You can’t just sit there scrolling through Pinterest on your phone and hoping that someone will offer to go down on you. Come on Cammy, I thought you had your PhD in Slutology; you should be teaching me, not the other way around.
So now we’re back at square one and we have no idea who Cameron Diaz got her gayelle on with. Eh, let’s just say it was the mask from The Mask (all masks are female, right?).
And here’s Cameron doing her best impression of a rich horny Miami cougar (not hard) in Harper’s Bazaar: