“You Told Those Reporters You’re Not ‘Difficult’? Ahahahahaha! Oh, Heigl, You So Funn- Please don’t choke me.”
Last year, The Hollywood Reporter put out a piece about how human hangnail Katherine Heigl’s difficult ways and several sources who worked with her said that they’d rather get a job as Kim Kartrashian’s colonoscopist than work with Heigl again. (Being Kim Kartrashian’s colonoscopist is slightly less dangerous, involves less shit and you may find the remains of Jimmy Hoffa. Reward money!) Those sources said that if Katherine’s talent was as big as her ego, Meryl Streep would be asking her for private acting lessons. THR’s sources also said that Heigl’s momager Nancy is a monster and one of the main reasons for why nobody in Hollywood wants to work with her anymore. The article was the opposite of shocking since by then, everybody knew that working with Heigl was as pleasant as chewing a wad of foil and Heigl gnawing off the hand that fed her said everything. Katherine Phlegm Sound recently told Marie Claire UK that she thinks doing rom-com after rom-com is what put her career on life support and the interviewer didn’t shoot back with, “No, I’m pretty sure you being a mega bitch had something to do with that.” Nobody has asked Heigl about that THR article until yesterday at the Television Critics Association press tour in Beverly Hills.
The HIGHLY successful television and motion picture actress was at the TCAs to talk about her new show on NBC State of Affairs, the toilet baby that Homeland and Scandal made together and tried to forget. According to Entertainment Weekly, one reporter asked Heigl if she thinks the stories of her and her mother being a difficult assholes and publicly “speaking her mind” had anything to do with her career being “out of control.” For the first time in the history of everything, Heigl was speechless for a second. State of Affairs’ producer Ed Bernero tried to jump in and answer the question, but the reporter, who was obviously from Not The One Times, wanted an answer from Heigl. So while making a mental note to shank that reporter when they meet in Hell, she answered it:
“I don’t know that I said I felt my career was not under my control. I think I said I felt I had stopped challenging myself and I was making choices that I loved, that I was excited about. I loved doing romantic comedies, I loved doing them and I loved watching them, but I stopped … exercising different muscles of my ability. And in that moment, I felt that I was sort of letting down my audience, that I wasn’t challenging them either.
I think that this opportunity is — and I think a lot of people want to know why this show, why come back to television — it’s because it’s an extraordinary role, it’s an extraordinary opportunity, and an extraordinary story, and it’s an opportunity for me to flex some different muscles and show a different side of myself as an actor and a performer and a storyteller that I hope my audience will be excited about and love.
I can only say that I certainly don’t see myself as being difficult. I would never intend to be difficult. I don’t think my mother sees herself as being difficult. We always … I think it’s important to everybody to conduct themselves professionally and respectfully and kindly. If I’ve ever disappointed somebody, it was never intentional.”
Heigl’s momager Nancy is an executive producer on State of Affairs and when another reporter asked her what her mom does on the show, she said, ”She bakes us cookies.” (Cut to crew members reluctantly taking a cookie from Nancy and chewing it until they can spit out when she walks away, because they know the secret ingredient in her cookies is probably rat poison or Heigl shit.)
A crazy bitch is always going to deny being a crazy bitch. A crackhead is always going to deny being a crackhead. A serial killer usually pleads not guilty. So what is Katherine going to say? Is she going to admit that she’s the sole reason for why every member of her show’s crew spends their lunch hour crying in a bathroom stall while snorting Valium? (There’s a lot of bathroom stalls on that set.) A difficult bitch is always going to deny being a difficult bitch. I, for one, am easy-going and down-to-earth and working with me is like working with a carefree spring daisy blowing in the wind. (Right, Allison, RIGHT, Allison.)