Hot Slut Of The Day!

July 13, 2014 / Posted by:

Umbros soccer shorts from the late 80s and early 90s! 

World Cup has a lot to offer a ho like bouncing footballer bulge, hot sweaty pieces of man meat grabbing onto each other, SCANDAL and emotionally raw theatrical drama. But it’s hard for me to fully get into World Cup and take it seriously. How can I take World Cup seriously when the players competing aren’t wearing totally professional and hot color-blocked Umbro shorts from the 80s and 90s?! Footballers who take the sport serious and want to look their hottest and most professional on the field wear color-blocked Umbro shorts!

Umbro, which was founded by British brothers Harold and Wallace Humphreys in the 1920s, made silky hot footballer outfits for footballers for years and years, but in the late 80s when soccer became a thing in the US and everyone wanted to wear sports brands, they seized the moment and put out a line of 80s-fied soccer shorts. The Umbro shorts of the 80s and 90s were color blocked, stamped with the double diamond logo and had the letters UM on them, which was pretty fitting, because wearing a pair of Umbro soccer shorts made your friends say to you, “Um, bitch, do you even know what soccer is?” But you didn’t need to care about soccer to wear Umbro shorts. You just needed to care about style and looking awesome at all times. Pairing your Umbro shorts worn with British Knights and a Body Glove tank top would make you the frontrunner for Best Dressed in school.

Wearing Umbros wasn’t without risks. If you wore the shorter ones, you ran the risk of giving everyone a peek of your Underoos or panties when you sat down. So some people would wear biker shorts under their Umbros. Now that truly was THE LOOK.

Like most beautiful things from the 80s and 90s, Umbros’ reign as the it short for kids came to an end and they continued to make athlete clothes for athletes. Nike bought Umbro a few years ago and they’re apparently bigger than ever in the sports world or whatever. But you know, they really need to make a mainstream comeback. Because not only were they sophisticated and the epitome of fashion, but they also provided another service to dudes. If you wore them without underwear and went jogging, the silkiness would brush up against your down low parts and give you a quick handy. Now excuse me while I go to eBay to see if I can find a pair of color blocked Umbro hand job shorts in my size.

Viva Umbro!

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