Since I’m a Canadian person who grew up riding tauntauns and eating snow sandwiches, it should come as no surprise that I don’t fucking do hot weather, but unfortunately the sun doesn’t know that and decided to take a giant hot hungover sun dump this morning, and now it’s hotter than a deep-fried armpit in my house. My face is melting; I look like Kris Jenner.
However, once I saw these pictures of Kelly Brook strolling the streets of Beverly Hills with her hot fiancé David McIntosh, I slapped myself with a sunbeam and told myself to good god girl get a grip. If Kelly was able to step out in the sweltering California sun wearing 10 lbs of polyester hair and strolling alongside a hot burmese python-thighed super-stud like David without a single drop of sweat splashing onto her boobie balls, then I too could get through the day without looking like I stared into the Ark of the Covenant. Kelly Brook is truly a hot weather inspiration.
And the newest name on my Shit List is the pap who ruined everything by proving that David was actually wearing a pair of nut-cuddling booty shorts under his tank and not proudly shirt-cocking in public like I thought he was:
Although I am impressed that they were able to get a totally candid and not-at-all staged shot of him crouching down to organize his groceries.
Here’s more of Kelly and David running Saturday morning errands in Beverly Hills. Yes, David wears itty-bitty booty shorts to run Saturday morning errands. Don’t question it. A wise friend once explained to me: “Booty shorts are not clothing; booty shorts are a lifestyle”. Yes, I’m friends with the slutty version of Confucius.