Robin Thicke’s Album Is Doing Really Well In Australia

July 10, 2014 / Posted by:

Why do I have a feeling that the ivory key he’s tickling in that picture doesn’t belong to the piano?

To promote his embarrassing album of songs dedicated to getting his wife Paula Patton back, Robin Thicke continued to show us that dignity is no friend of his by talking about his love for her in interview after interview. Robin Thicke re-defining “pathetic” while whoring out his album really paid off and by that I mean it didn’t pay off at all. In its first week of sales, Paula sold 24,000 copies in the US, 530 copies in the UK, 550 copies in Canada and less than 54 COPIES in Australia. It has gone triple used condom worldwide! News.com.au says that the album that has given stalkers motivation to be more stalker-ey didn’t even crack the Top 500 in Australia and a Blondie compilation album, which came in at #500, sold 54 copies. So Robin’s album sold less than that. Sales outside of the Top 500 aren’t registered, so Robin’s album could’ve sold 1 copy in Australia for all we know. Robin’s Blurred Lines album debuted at No. 1 in Australia and sold 117,000 copies in its first week in the US.

To put Paula’s numbers into perspective, Alan Thicke’s “Sweaty And Hot” sold 89 copies in Bulgaria last week and it hasn’t dropped out of the Top 10 there since its debut in 1998. (Okay, I made that up, but I’m probably not lying.)

But my question is, if that stalker mess of an album sold 54 copies in Australia, who were the 54 people who actually bought it? If you tracked down who bought that album, you’d find 54 Australians who need serious psychological help, because they obviously don’t love themselves and are looking for horrific ways to harm themselves. HELP THEM! Or you’d find 54 medical professionals who are using it to treat comatose patients. Because studies show that if you play Paula for comatose patients, there’s a 100% chance that they’ll wake up to cringe.

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