In A Few Months Another Baby Will Get To Call Robert Downey Jr. “Daddy”

July 9, 2014 / Posted by:

The Internet is still sore, raw, confused and broken (I think I just described myself after my first butt sex experience) over the news that its husband Ryan Gosling did them wrong and betrayed them by probably knocking up the MOST HATED WOMAN IN THE WORLD and I was secretly hoping that UsWeekly would report that Benedict Cumberbatch planted his eggs in his girlfriend and made a litter of lizard alien babies, because then the Internet would completely have a Brazil-level meltdown. That didn’t happen, but there is new baby news. Robert Downey Jr. tweeted that he and his wife of almost 10 years Susan will soon have newborn spit on their faces and newborn shit on their hands. RDJ tweeted a very RDJ tweet:

Because he wanted to cover all of his social media bases, he also announced on Facebook that he’s having an Iron Baby:

“Um. I don’t know if it’s a ‘man’s world’, but I’m certain women run it. Susan and I are therefore delighted to announce we are expecting a baby. Girl. November. Rdj.”

Susan and RDJ have a 2-year-old named Exton and RDJ has a 20-year-old son named Indio (who got busted for coke possession a little over a week ago) from his marriage to Deborah Falconer. Yes, Exton and Indio. Since RDJ is really into giving his kids 5-letter names that begin with a vowel and sound like the name of a California town (or in Indio’s case IS the name of a California town), I’m going to guess they’ll name their daughter Ukiah.

And somebody must’ve spiked the water at The Avengers craft service table with some kind of fertility tonic, because all those hos are either knocked up or just had babies. The Black Widow’s got a spider baby in her womb, Thor’s wife’s birthed out a set of Thor babies a few months ago and now Iron Man’s going to be a dad again. That grumbling in Sandra Bullock’s stomach area might not be from her lady parts still reacting to having Jesse James’ Nazi sperm all up in it a few times. It might be from the Captain America baby baking in her.

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