Today, THIS is every Goslinger after hearing the life-ruining, heart-shattering news that the Adonis GOD who is supposed to bareback fuck his firstborn into them or Rachel McAdams might’ve made a baby with that home wrecking tramp slag hussy slut whore Evil Menses!
It’s a trap! Her evil spiked-vagina poked holes in the condom.
Buy all the gallon jugs of vodka you can find, tell your weed man you’ll buy his entire stock and prepare your end of the world bunker, because the screeching wails of the Gosling fanhos will break the planet and their hot, salty tears will flood the land and destroy all life. Ok Magazine (“More like NOT OK! Magazine” – every crazed Gosling fan) claims that Eve Mendes is 7 months knocked up with a Gosling baby I hope they’ll name U Mad? Gosling-Mendes. Eva hasn’t hit the stroll in months and last February she refused to go through the body scanner at LAX, which made some people think that she was pregnant with a fetus that will destroy the planet. Ok!’s source (aka Lucifer who knows this news will make heaven’s angels impale themselves on the arrows of cherubs) says that Eva and Ryan can’t wait to be parents and she wants to marry his ass.
“She’s been ready for motherhood for a while now and to be sharing this experience with Ryan is a dream come true for her! Ryan grew up without a dad, so he always said when he had kids, he’d be there no matter what. This is it for him.”
Eva wanting to be a wife and mother is the complete opposite of what she’s said in the past about having chirrun of her own:
“I don’t wanna have kids… I love the little suckers; they’re so cute. But I love sleep so much, and I worry about everything. I feel like the institution of marriage is very archaic.”
So either Ok!’s story is as full of shit as every Goslinger’s chonies were after reading Ok!’s headline or Eva is a liar and a crazy villainess who wants to feed on the pain of the hos who are melting into puddles of desperate sadness over this. Either one is totally possible.
Here’s Eva at Macy’s in L.A. on March 18th and if Ok! is telling the truth, she’s got a 3 month fetus in her body here. Eva is touching her “bump” area. So yeah, RIP humanity. No, I’m sure the Gosling fangirls are throwing a “big deal, bitch” look at Eva, because they get pregnant every time they look at his picture. Bitch ain’t special.
UPDATE: People confirmed that Eva’s knocked up through a source (Hi, Eva’s publicist!).