Halle Berry appeared on The Late Show with David Letterman last night to promote that show I keep seeing promos for where she’s a flowy fancy mom beige cardigan-wearing astronaut who gets knocked-up by a space ghost (don’t get excited, not that Space Ghost) and she brought with her a list of marriage advice her daughter Nahla made. One of Halle’s co-stars was getting married, so she thought it would be cute if she gave them a Top Ten list of relationship rules made by her 6-year-old. Excuse you, Halle, but a homemade wedding gift?!? I would expect the star of B*A*P*S to at least go halfsies on a $50 Macy’s gift card.
I was fully expecting to hear a cutesy-poo list about “lots of snuggles” and “saving up to buy a single-family ice cream castle in Candyland” but it actually read more like notes from Iyanla Vazant’s “In The Meantime“. Nahla’s Top Ten list includes deep thoughts like: “Always go the same way” and “Keep your cars together”. I think “Keep your cars together” might be the new “Close your legs to married men” (sorry NeNe). Nahla is only 6, and she already knows more about relationships than I did at 21 (“You want to spend Valentine’s Day with your other girlfriend? Uh, sure, that’s not a problem…I guess MySpace me when you’re done?”).
And golf claps to Nahla’s nanny/therapist/whoever for being such a strong influence in her life, because there’s no way Halle helped her write that list. Halle’s Top Ten list would start with “1. Don’t let a thirsty unemployed blonde model knock your ass up and slowly suck away at all your X-Men money” and end with throwing the crumpled-up list at Gabriel Aubry’s face while threatening to move to France.