Butch queen Michelle Rodriguez and pretty pretty princess Zac Efron have been vacationing with friends in Sardinia for a little bit and that pairing makes zero sense until you remind yourself that Zac kind of loves drugs and she is made of equal parts coke, booze and weed. I was expecting to see the headline, “Italy Fresh Out Of The Bad Shit, Asks South America For A Cocaine Bailout,” but I was not expecting to see the headline, “Zac Efron and Michelle Rodriguez Confirm Romance.” Yesterday, The Daily Mail threw up pictures of Zac Efron getting lip gloss on Michelle Rodriguez’s face while delicately kissing her on a boat. The definition of “random” always finds new, creative and WTF ways to redefine itself. This is like the Inception of bearding.
MRod was clit wrestling with Cara Delevingne a few months ago and together they were my second favorite gayelle couple after Rojo Caliente and Cynthia Nixon, but I guess she’s done with that and now she’s one half of my new favorite lesbian couple. MRod has said before that she goes wherever her cooch takes her and she loves both dick and snatch, and you know her strap-on game is next level, so these two sort of make a sliver of sense. But CDAN has a different theory for why these two are suddenly a thing. Apparently, MRod really wants a fetus in her and she may be trying to get Zac’s glitter sperm to knock her up.
Michelle had a long time girlfriend. Her name is not important here, but they dated for lots of years and even have an agreement together in case they ever split. Not a registered partnership, but something to protect both of them in case of a split. This girlfriend and Michelle had been searching for someone to have a child for them. To be the father. The person they both decided on was Olivier Martinez. Yep, the same guy who ended up having a child with Halle Berry. Apparently Olivier told Michelle that he would love to have a child with her and Michelle was enamored of the idea and thought Olivier would be perfect. Then he got involved with Halle and Michelle felt betrayed and lied to by Olivier. Nothing new if you know Olivier. Up to that point, Michelle had never been with guy. Ever. Yes, I know she likes to tell the world she likes both sexes, and she does a lot of flirting, but remember it was only recently that she was spotted openly making out with Cara Delevingne and other women. Michelle decided to cheat with Cara on her then girlfriend who she was supposed to meet up with in Asia. Fast forward a few months and Michelle and Cara split and Michelle and Zac are spotted making out on boat off the coast of Italy and are joined by a guy who has been the source of a lot of issues with Zac.
If Michelle and Zac had a butch unicorn baby together, the Earth would end when millions of heads exploded simultaneously. I think Neil deGrasse Tyson talked about that in Cosmos or something.
This might be the greatest acting that Zac has ever done, because they actually look really into each other in those pics. MRod’s looking at Zac like he’s a giant vagina and he’s looking at her like she’s a giant tube of tinted moisturizer. You know, maybe they aren’t kissing at all. Maybe MRod burped up some coke. I’m going to stop questioning them and just go with it, because I can truly get behind (wink wink) a couple that “fuckery” queefed up.
Here’s Zac working out with hot Italian daddy Gianluca Vacchi in Sardinia on Saturday.