Hot Slut Of The Day!
Dolly, the adorable ball of white fluff who was abandoned at the Glastonbury Festival by an evil twat who has a heart made of dead assholes and whose name just went up on the reservation list at Hell’s special place.
When Glastonbury ended and clean-up crews came in to pick up the thousands of tents that were left behind, they expected to find the usual like used condoms, a passed out Courtney Love (You always expect to find a passed out Courtney Love when you’re doing clean up after a music festival), dead bodies and puddles of blood and tissue from people cutting their own internal organs out to trade that shit for a bag of K. But they didn’t expect to find an angel snowflake of a dog hanging out in one of the tents after her demon cunt owner did Lucifer’s work by abandoning her. The Guardian says that the dog was named Dolly after the reigning Queen of Glastonbury Dolly Parton and was taken to the Happy Landings shelter in Pylle, Somerset. The Happy Landings shelter says that besides an ear infection (poor bitch probably listened to Skrillex’s set), she’s doing good and they’re waiting for someone to come and pick her ass up. In a video message (below) and a statement, Dolly’s namesake promised to adopt her and bring her to America if nobody comes and gets her.
“I had my manager call the Happy Landings animal shelter to make sure the dog is being treated and cared for properly. At this time, nobody has claimed the dog and the dog is in great hands at the shelter. I will take her home to America if nobody claims her within a reasonable amount of time.”
What a diamond-covered saint… Dolly truly has a heart of gold and I mean that literally, because I’m pretty sure she got her plastic surgeon to dip all her of her internal organs in rose gold and crushed rhinestones.
Fuck Dolly the Dog’s owner if they purposefully left her at Glastonbury. If Dolly’s humans ever show up at Happy Landings, she should play dumb and be like, “Don’t know the bitch.” Because if nobody comes and gets her, she’ll go to a much, much better and beautiful and shinier place: Dolly’s house! Why go back to the owners who might’ve dumped her ass when she could go to Dolly’s Tennessee mansion where she’ll get to wake up to Dolly’s angelic voice and her exquisitely sculptured face? Hold out for Dolly, Dolly!
Pic: The Sun (Thanks Judy and Tammy)