Dave Coulier married photographer Melissa Bring in Paradise Valley, Montana yesterday and thanks to Bob Saget, Candace Cameron Bure, KIMMY GIBBLER and John Stamos showing up, it turned into a mini Full House reunion. Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen didn’t go, because everyone knows that the Montana black bear is the sworn enemy of Enchanted Forest bridge trolls and they didn’t want to cause a scene. Besides, the caterers couldn’t fulfill the Trollsens’ dietary requirements of children’s hair, the first breath of a newborn and rabbit veins.
UsWeekly says that 51-year-old Dave Coulier married his 31-year-old girlfriend Melissa in front of the mountains in Montana and his Full House castmates and other guests watched her promise to him that she will love him, cherish him, speak eloquently, would have his baby, be an excellent mother and go down on him in a theater. Dave and Melissa have known each other for 9 years and they got engaged last month and blah blah blah blah blah. Who cares about all of that? The only thing that really matters is that KIMMY GIBBLER was there!
You can’t tell by this picture, but DJ and Uncle Jesse have two bags of cotton balls shoved up their nostrils, because Kimmy Gibbler’s wearing hot party sandals and everyone knows that Kimmy Gibbler’s foot stank could kill several elephants. Even Quentin Tarantino wouldn’t get on those hooves. Actually, yes he would, because you know he really loves it when he can taste the dirty foot smell. Anyway, I don’t even know why my headline is “Joey Gladstone Got Married” when my headline should be “KIMMY GIBBLER WENT TO A WEDDING THE DAY BEFORE HER BIRTHDAY.“ That’s the only reason why Dave Coulier’s wedding got any press. I bet that when the ushers asked guests if they were there for the bride or groom, every single one of them said, “Who? I’m just here for Kimmy Gibbler!”