Seen above with her face Photoshopped into “Harpo, who dis woman…or slightly effeminate young Dutch boy?” territory, Katherine Heigl is keeping the meaning of “delusional as fuck” alive in August’s issue of Marie Claire UK (via The Daily Mail). The crusted-over phlegm ball that Hollywood coughed up a while ago doesn’t think her career plunged into the sewer, because working with her is like trying to have butt sex with a flaccid peen that refuses to get hard. It’s frustrating, it’s annoying, it’s sometimes painful and it’s really not worth all the trouble. But in Katherine’s head, where delusion eats all truths, she thinks that she’s the one who pressed the pause button on her career and she decided to take time off, because she didn’t feel creatively challenged anymore. “Creatively challenged” is a really creative way of saying “Hollywood would rather tongue kiss a shark than work with my monster of a mother and me.” The only challenge Heigl has is not trying to be a complete and utter mega bitch.
The discount Goopy dribbled out some dumb shit about how her career was her “best friend” and she felt betrayed by it when it went out the exit door.
“The thing that was my best friend for a long time suddenly turned on me. And I didn’t expect it. I was taken by surprise and angry at it for betraying me.”a
“Eh, no, I’m pretty sure I’m the one that betrayed you” said Heigl’s sore-covered, throbbing, oozing ego.
After the entire cast and crew of Grey’s Anatomy popped champagne and joyously fapped together over the bitch of the set being gone, she did rom-com after rom-com and tells Marie Claire that maybe she should’ve said “no” more.
“I had an amazing time. I love romantic comedies. But maybe I hit it a little too hard. I couldn’t say no. I stopped challenging myself. It became a bit by rote and, as a creative person, that can wear you down. That was part of why I took that time off, to ask myself, ‘What do I want? What am I looking for?’ and shut down all the noise.’
Oh yeah, I had a moment where, I don’t know, I was thinking I’d maybe open a knitting store, get my money out of retirement accounts and live off that, live off the land. I had my moment where it all seemed so complicated and all I wanted to do was simplify.’”
Heigl is back now with that Scandal knock-off show for NBC and she says that she’s so happy to get back into the writer’s room, because she’s not only a creative genius, she’s also a TV writing genius.
“There’s a part of me that’s a Hollywood animal as well. I can’t wait to get into the writer’s room and see how we do this. I feel like I’m finally rolling into the next phase of my adulthood.”
“I wish the next phase of her adulthood was at the bottom of a volcano” said the writers who have to deal with her when she comes into the writer’s room to share her ~ideas~.
No, we should all be glad that Katherine Heigl is done with those stupid rom-coms she made millions doing and is finally doing projects that challenge her, like the artistically challenging ZzzQuil commercial she did (yes, I’m posting this again):
That comment was not served in a sarcasm gel cap, because that ZzzQuil commercial is one of the most artistic things she’s ever done and it’s also the most challenging. I mean, words don’t come out of her asshole mouth for a whole 16 seconds. That has to be a first.