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July 2, 2014 / Posted by:

Petster! 

Before Furby, Tamagotchi, Zoomer, Katie Holmes and other robot pets, there was PETSTER! Petster was born in 1985 and its makers bragged that it was one of the first robot pet toys. Petster was basically a fat, furry Roomba (sans that whole “picking up trash” thing) with a cat head and a tail that looked like a dildo covered by a fur cozy. Petster was much more useful than any Kardashian or Hilton, because it came to you when it clapped and it stared at you with its dead robotic eyes as you pet it. (“That sounds just like my marriage!” – Kanye)

There really wasn’t much to Petster, but it still blew the minds out of children’s heads in the mid-80s. Petster was much more simpler and less shady than other robot pets. I never trusted that evil whore Furby, because you know when you went to sleep, it flew down to Hell to get its orders from Satan and the Tamagotchi read your mind and gave that information to the GUVMENT! But Petster was just a dumb mound of fake fur and robot parts. I didn’t have one and nobody I knew had one, because I remember it costing around $75 or something, which was approximately $15,000 in the 80s. But $15,000 is a small price to pay for a fat fuck, dumb robot cat whose body had the shape and texture of Robin Williams’ hairy ass and whose tail made parents say, “Yes, I would.

And those “please kill me with a sledgehammer” eyes? Adorable!

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