The Rapper Who Cut His Peen Off While High On PCP Wants To Do Porn

July 1, 2014 / Posted by:

Wu-Tang affiliated rapper Christ Bearer (born name: Andre Johnson) became a walking anti-PCP billboard in April when he cut his dick off and jumped off of a balcony, because he was missing his daughters and started reading about vasectomies. A few weeks later, Christ Bearer claimed that doctors were able to re-attach his dick and I thought that would be the last we heard of his Franken-cock. But TMZ talked to a crazed Christ Bearer on the street in Long Beach, CA yesterday and he promises that his Franken-cock is back in working order and he’ll prove to everyone that it still has the ability to fuck by doing a porn. Christ Bearer needs to define the word “work,” because I watched the John Wayne Bobbitt porn and his stitched-together soggy Vienna sausage dick looked about as sad as a kid waiting for his parents in the pick-up area an hour after school let out. It hardly “worked.” TMZ asked Christ Bearer if his peen can still perform and he dribbled out this stream of ridiculousness:

Does it work?!? Can Chris Brown dance? Can Kanye West rant? Can Jay Z fight off a trick?

Christ Bearer also finally admitted that he wasn’t just under the influence of weed and sadness when he chopped his dick off. He was high on PCP. Desperate Lives, the piece of TV gold that taught me everything I know about PCP, taught me that if I snort that bad shit, I’ll throw myself out of a window like Helen Hunt and go “weee” when I drive my car off of a cliff, but it didn’t teach me that I’ll also take a knife to my peen. They should reboot Desperate Lives and include that very necessary piece of information.

Steve Hirsch of Vivid Entertainment is a lukewarm glob of smegma of an asshole who released a necrophilia porn (see: Farrah Abraham’s porn), so of course he’s interested in putting Christ Bearer in one of his movies. But Steve needs to make sure Christ Bearer’s down low parts work first.

Here’s Christ Bearer ranting to TMZ:

Dude is obviously still high on that PCP shit and having major hallucinations. Because he actually believes that people want to see his patch work dick. Who the hell wants to see Christ Bearer awkwardly shove his chewed-up, can’t-get-hard morning sausage dick into a trick’s vagina? Who wants to see that? Actually, I kind of want to see that. And yeah, I’d probably find a way to fap to that. Dignity is not something I know.

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75 responses to “The Rapper Who Cut His Peen Off While High On PCP Wants To Do Porn”

  1. Dog says:

    Wu Wang Clan. lol

  2. Bobel_The_Staggering_Drunk says:

    “Can Jay Z fight off a trick?” Good one.

  3. GandysBigBendy says:

    Ha! Notice he never does answer the question.

  4. BananaFana says:

    I guess there’s a market somewhere for scarred up, stitched up, John Bobbittesque penises.

  5. pippitypup says:

    He’ll make an interesting ‘lady’ in the kink genre.

  6. pushy broad says:

    This is just all kinds of icky.

  7. ewesocrazy says:

    Nobody besides TMZ is worried about whether or not your penis works, Wutang person.

  8. Shannon says:

    BITCH IM HIGH ON PCP!!! That’s all I could think of when I read this story. And no one wants to see your frankencock in action. Keep it in your fucking pants buddy.

  9. OhNoesNotAgain says:

    This is all kinds of wrong.

  10. Death by Bacon says:

    I’ll pass.

  11. Swarm_of_locusts says:

    That brother needs to get his levels together, and embrace lucid thinking. His half-dick porn would definitely be tossing a wobbly hot dog down a hallway.

  12. Death by Bacon says:

    So you missed your kids…got high on pcp…lopped of penis…jumped out window….will now do porn…thanks dad….said his kids….never!

  13. FunFilled says:

    Someone tell him it’s been done – Bobbitt.

  14. Richbitch says:

    No. Just no.

  15. Dog says:

    No Wang Gland.

  16. saltydog says:

    “Can Jay Z fight off a trick?” I see what you did there, well played crazy.

    Also PCP ranks about as high as meth on the list of things that never, ever sound fun for anybody.

  17. MardiGras says:

    What I have learned from this: There’s a loser born every minute and someone who will videotape him naked.

  18. pushy broad says:

    For the past 2 days I’m getting Adobe Flash Player Setting
    “cknbakm.kaltura” wants to store info on my computer on most of
    MK’s videos. What is with that!

  19. MeMyselfandI says:

    I thought Wu Tang said they weren’t connected with this here crazypants?

  20. Miss Foo Foo Von LadyGarden says:

    Serving up more stupidity. Drugs are bad.

  21. beccaboo1212 says:

    All I have to say to him is “Hey, Dumbass”

  22. Eliza Berntsen says:

    A stint in a psych ward might be of a better use.

  23. Coffy says:

    If I were Wu-tang, I’d sue to keep the media from associating this bum with them! I’ve been a big Wu fan since they came out and I’ve never heard of or seen this guy before. Some people chase fame a little too desperately.

  24. GardeningGirl says:

    Please no Frankendicks a la Bobbit.

  25. Jasper DeKimmel says:

    I hope the ladies on the Supreme Court find a way to slip some PCP into the coffee of their male counterparts.

  26. Jasper DeKimmel says:

    I might’ve seen a porn clip or two on the internets, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen John Wayne Bobbitt’s video. If I did, I blocked it out of my mind forever.

    Lorena Bobbitt was my hero in high school.

  27. MCCAMELHO says:

    Well that makes room for Ballpeen Rappers like M.C. Cameltoe

    I wrote his latest song “Ditsy Girls”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGhhhHGJlfU

    http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0006718/

  28. Topanga says:

    I accidently happened across Amy Fisher’s girl on girl porno one night (dont judge me, I like to browse Pornhub just for fun sometimes lol). She was actually pretty decent. I never saw Mr. Bobbitts porno though. I heard it was pretty awkward and sad just like MK described. I remember watching an interview where people on set said he had a hard (no pun intended) staying erect and was super nervous; the actress kept getting frustrated with him.

    • TheShowgirl says:

      I watched the Bobbit video around the time it first came out because I was curious. This was pre-internet days so I believe I got someone to rent it for me. It was terrible and sad. It was like 15+ years ago that I saw it and I still remember how bad it was. If memory serves, his peen wasn’t impressive size wise, he could barely string words together and his wee peen wouldn’t stay hard. I figured it was because he was sober and he didn’t get to beat the woman up before hand but it could have been nerves. I also remember when he came – it was like someone squeezed a nearly empty bottle of Elmer’s glue. It didn’t so much shoot out as ooze out. He supposedly got one of the porn stars he banged in the movie knocked up but I really don’t see how.

  29. HotmamiCavill says:

    I hope dude is good with his tongue.

  30. madame jojo says:

    Watching pron by someone called Christ Bearer who has a haphazardly reattached penis is too much for this lapsed Catholic. *clutching pearls*

  31. pixiebitch says:

    Somewhere between PCP, cut peen off, and porn….his life took a wrong turn.

  32. Dion flowerboy says:

    Not before and sure as hell, not after. Sad.

  33. TheShowgirl says:

    I’m sure there’s an audience for reattached dick porn but if this guy shouldn’t be doing it. Banging a crazy person is generally fun because most nut bars are oddly blessed with amazing sex skills but watching a crazy person bang? Not so entertaining or fun I would imagine.

  34. TheBluebirdOfCrappiness says:

    He’s still high from that other time.

  35. genni geminni says:

    If he is selling suicidal clinical depression followed with severe overdose marijuana intoxication; I aint buying. No side-eye to this man, just sadness, because this is all kinds of fucked up.

  36. mitzigaydar says:

    oh poo wee…lordy lou!

  37. johnnysgrrrl says:

    “But it still works, I swear! Here – lemme prove it!!”

    Fuck no! Get your shit together and stop embarrassing your kids!

  38. IzzyB says:

    You don’t have to prove anything to us, especially not with porn.

    Please, go away and get psychiatric help and rehab for your problems.

  39. Make Fists With Your Toes says:

    I’m going to gouge my eyes out…then become an art curator!
    I’m going to cut off my eyes…and become a talent scout for Roadrunner Records!
    I’m going to grind my tastebuds away…and become a food critic!

    LOGIC!!!

  40. Lucifer says:

    Find a taller building next time, asshole.

  41. Rick says:

    What if he was “performing” and it became detached again? HD anyone?

  42. Suzy Farkis says:

    I too saw the John Bobbitt porn. I remember one of the girls having really bad zits around her mouth (which is probably the worst place for them if you do porn). His tiny, aspiring-to-achieve-a-semi, Frankenstein dick barely worked, it was like a leaky faucet when it counted. So gross.

  43. bambinoitaliano says:

    Failing that. He can always be the power bottom.

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