The Rapper Who Cut His Peen Off While High On PCP Wants To Do Porn

July 1, 2014 / Posted by:

Wu-Tang affiliated rapper Christ Bearer (born name: Andre Johnson) became a walking anti-PCP billboard in April when he cut his dick off and jumped off of a balcony, because he was missing his daughters and started reading about vasectomies. A few weeks later, Christ Bearer claimed that doctors were able to re-attach his dick and I thought that would be the last we heard of his Franken-cock. But TMZ talked to a crazed Christ Bearer on the street in Long Beach, CA yesterday and he promises that his Franken-cock is back in working order and he’ll prove to everyone that it still has the ability to fuck by doing a porn. Christ Bearer needs to define the word “work,” because I watched the John Wayne Bobbitt porn and his stitched-together soggy Vienna sausage dick looked about as sad as a kid waiting for his parents in the pick-up area an hour after school let out. It hardly “worked.” TMZ asked Christ Bearer if his peen can still perform and he dribbled out this stream of ridiculousness:

Does it work?!? Can Chris Brown dance? Can Kanye West rant? Can Jay Z fight off a trick?

Christ Bearer also finally admitted that he wasn’t just under the influence of weed and sadness when he chopped his dick off. He was high on PCP. Desperate Lives, the piece of TV gold that taught me everything I know about PCP, taught me that if I snort that bad shit, I’ll throw myself out of a window like Helen Hunt and go “weee” when I drive my car off of a cliff, but it didn’t teach me that I’ll also take a knife to my peen. They should reboot Desperate Lives and include that very necessary piece of information.

Steve Hirsch of Vivid Entertainment is a lukewarm glob of smegma of an asshole who released a necrophilia porn (see: Farrah Abraham’s porn), so of course he’s interested in putting Christ Bearer in one of his movies. But Steve needs to make sure Christ Bearer’s down low parts work first.

Here’s Christ Bearer ranting to TMZ:

Dude is obviously still high on that PCP shit and having major hallucinations. Because he actually believes that people want to see his patch work dick. Who the hell wants to see Christ Bearer awkwardly shove his chewed-up, can’t-get-hard morning sausage dick into a trick’s vagina? Who wants to see that? Actually, I kind of want to see that. And yeah, I’d probably find a way to fap to that. Dignity is not something I know.

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