Hot Slut Of The Day!

July 1, 2014 / Posted by:

Totally Hair Barbie!

It’s weird to think that in this world, the second most beautiful plastic doll (after Angelyne, of course), Peaches n’ Cream Barbie, isn’t the best-selling Barbie of all-time. The general buying public must’ve been too intimidated by her elegance and beauty to buy her. That’s it. The best-selling Barbie of all-time was Totally Hair Barbie who strut onto the toy stroll in 1992 and was instantly a hit and stayed a hit until 1995, making her ass the world’s longest successful toy sale. Yes, a Barbie whose hair looked like a hand broom made out of Top Ramen noodles and whose hair accessory looks like a pink butt shitting out ribbon (“Hmm, where have I seen that before?” – John Travolta proctologist) is the biggest selling Barbie of all-time. Humanity is weird.

But Totally Hair Barbie did have a hot look. She looked like an Amish woman who busted out of her small town and moved to NYC to live out her dream of dancing on Club MTV (LIVE at The Palladium!). Her dream never came true and to pay the rent on her Alphabet City studio, she had to do hair fetish videos and later she sold her naturally peroxide yellow straw hair to a weave master.

Totally Hair Barbie was a hit, because kids just love torturing hair.

None of the Totally Hair Barbies I saw in real-life looked like that. All of the ones I saw had been through some serious shit. Their owners had burnt their hair, knotted it up or cut it off. Most Totally Hair Barbies eventually looked like a pack of wild dogs attacked their hair before a hobo made it his bed. Mattel should’ve bought back the used Totally Hair Barbies, slapped some Uggs on their feet and re-sold them as Brit Brit Barbies.

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