Because it’s the annual Gathering of the Nerds known as Comic-Con right now, Zack Snyder got the nerd tips moist by twatting a headshot of Ben Affleck in Batman drag while shooting that Batman vs. Superman mess. Actually, this probably got the nerd tips dry, because Batman’s looking like a sad 65-year-old man who’s got to fart and sneeze and isn’t sure which one to do first. BatPepaw! Hate aside, there are 4 hot things about this picture:
1. The butt chin.
2. The butt chin.
3. That rubber black pussy under his butt chin.
4. But mostly, the butt chin!
I know the hos of Gotham City are dumb as shit, because none of them can clearly see that Bruce Wayne is Batman. But the hos of this Gotham City are extra, extra dumb if they don’t look at Batman and say, “Bruce, stop playing, your butt chin gives you away, bitch.” I mean, how many 6’4″ dudes in Gotham City have a stubbly, bubble butt chin that looks like Kim Kartrashian’s ass at 5 o’clock?
But more importantly, would you rim it? Would you rim Batman’s butt chin?
He’s had his problems over the last year. He’s found himself in some shitty situations because of it. Why the darkness? It was stress. The stress of feeling that he can’t come out publicly.
Lately though…there’s been a turnaround. Career is in good shape. And there’s someone new in his life. What’s she doing for him? They get along well. They both party…HARD. But she’s not his lover, she’s his front. Because when she’s around, he can hook up with men. And she’s happy to cover for him. She’s playing her part so that no one’s looking at what’s really going on – which is that he’s been messing around with a wealthy older man who spoils him…with sex and drugs.
So the stress is gone. But not the habits. (Lainey Gossip)
This isn’t even blind. This isn’t even near-sighted. This is some perfect 20/20 shit. And if this blind item is true, you were right if you answered, “lots of good drugs,” to the question, “Why in the hell would Zac Efron, who could screw who ever he wanted, screw around with a tattooed Italian daddy?”
A pap agency was called on Friday, and told they needed to show up at a place on Saturday night, to photograph an A list mostly television actress from a hit network show that would be there with her husband, and that they’d be called again on Saturday with specific time and place to photograph the couple.
So they got the call on Saturday telling them where to show up and at what time and that they needed to show up exactly at the right time and place because that is when the pair would actually hold hands. Throughout the day the couple was spotted out but never very close and mostly doing their own thing until the appointed hour. At that point the two started holding hands for a few minutes. Shortly after the finished holding hands one of her people called the pap agency to see if the photo had been taken. If not, they would do it one more time. The pap agency got the photos so the couple went their separate ways and were not seen again together. In fact, the husband left and went out to a club for the rest of the night by himself. (CDAN)
Kerry Washington and Nnamdi Asomugha? Exhibit: A. Kerry needed Olivia Pope, because Olivia Pope would never be that sloppy with the photo-ops.
This pop star claims to really, really love her fans, but she recently screwed over a bunch of them recently.
She was performing in a foreign city. She did a photo op at her hotel the day before so fans knew where she was staying. A small group of them gathered in front of the hotel by 7:00 am and waited for her to appear.
She knew that they were there. During the day, her bodyguards would come down periodically and tell the crowd that she was coming down to meet them, and that she would be happy to sign autographs and pose for photos with them. “She’ll be down soon. Just be patient.”
During each visit, the bodyguard would get on his phone and report to someone else how many fans were there. “There are only 25. Not enough.” Apparently, the pop star wanted a bigger crowd! She sent down notes and snacks to the fans, telling them that she appreciated them and was coming down. The bodyguard encouraged the waiting fans to call their friends and tweet their location.
However, despite their best efforts, the big crowd they wanted just never materialized. Finally, ten hours later, the pop star left the hotel… and simply drove past the fans that had been waiting there all day! There were only 50 of them, and, according to the bodyguard, “That just wasn’t enough.”
Does this mean that her popularity has peaked? (Blind Gossip)
Lady Caca? Those bitches waited 10 hours?! When Lady CaCa drove by them, they should’ve gathered together, chased down her SUV, jumped on it, turned it over, dragged her out screaming and then slapped with her with the dumb bags of Fritos she sent down to them.
Pic: Pacific Coast News
Bradley Cooper and Sookeh Waterhouse had words in New Orleans and I’m sure it was nothing. It was probably just a good old-fashioned beard fight and they were arguing over how her contract states that she must do at least 2 photo-ops per trip and she’s only done 1. You know how difficult those beards can be. And people walking by who didn’t know who they were probably figured B. Coop was just a regular dad getting on his 12-year-old daughter’s case. Dads are so lame! – Lainey Gossip
Charisma Carpenter celebrated her birthday by giving her fans a cupcake with a candle in it and by that I mean she posted a picture of her tit and hard nipple - Drunken Stepfather
So I guess Michael Rapaport isn’t going to be in another Spike Lee joint anytime soon. But does Spike Lee even make movies anymore? – Celebitchy
Jennette McCurdy wants all you gross boys to stop fapping to the pictures of her ass that she Instagramms so gross boys can fap to them – The Superficial
NeNe Leakes might be in Cinderella on Broadway and I’m guessing she’s either playing the pumpkin carriage or the royal horse – Reality Tea
And six seconds later, THE QUEEN ordered that those Australian tourists be sent to the gallows for butting into HER picture – Towleroad
Jean Kasem, stop kissing the pride of Germany Micaela Schaefer and go and bury Caesy Kasem already! – Hollywood Tuna
Zoe Saldana’s got two babies growing in her uterus – Popsugar
Shia LaBeouf took a bath for court – WWTDD
BREAKING: Lauren Conrad went blonder and now she looks even more like a stale slice of Wonder Bread – The Berry
Bravo is really soaping up The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and I hope this means that Susan Lucci is joining the cast next, because lives will be made if she slapped down Lisa Vanderpump – Jezebel
Selena Gomez went on a boat ride with a hot piece who looks like a gay Turtle from Entourage – Popoholic
Joan Rivers before she turned herself into a non-biodegradable plastic puppet – SOW
Portia de Rossi wants a Band-Aid baby – ICYDK
Conclusion: If you swapped the chick out for a dude in an Uncle Terry shoot, the picture would have 100% more hairy ass in it – OMG Blog
Steve Sanders hurt Donna Martin’s feewings – HuffPo
DanRad likes fucking while sober – Just Jared
Childhoods are dead: RIP BOP Magazine – Boy Culture
Pic: Pacific Coast News
Last year, Professor Tara Reid cleared up a misconception most of us had. Most of us believed (no, we didn’t) that when a whale and a shark love each other very much, they make beautiful bareback whale shark love together and a whale shark is born 9 months later. Tara let us know that she thought the same exact thing, but after doing a little research (no, “research” is not the name of a new kind of cocaine that’s made with vodka), she learned that a whale shark isn’t the broken condom baby of a whale and a shark. It’s just a different kind of shark! Minds were blown and science hasn’t been the same since. Well, Tara Reid is back with another scientific fact that will turn your brain inside out.
While talking to GQ about the future Emmy-sweeper Sharknado 2, Tara was asked if a sharknado can happen for real. As a cokenado filled her head, Tara’s lone brain cell folded in half and rubbed its halves together to spit out this genius answer:
“You know, it actually can happen. I mean, the chances of it happening are very rare, but it can happen actually. Which is crazy. Not that it—the chances of it are, like, you know, it’s like probably ‘pigs could fly.’ Like, I don’t think pigs could fly, but actually sharks could be stuck in tornados. There could be a sharknado.”
“I really couldn’t have put it more eloquently myself if I tried,” said every scientist who ever lived.
I never thought about it like that before. Tara Reid is right! If a shark met a tornado, fell in love with it and the two got stuck together while consummating their love, they’d be a sharknado!
You know, you can accuse Tara of butchering her stomach until it looked like a ham that was hacked to pieces with a machete and glued back together with Gorilla Glue, but you cannot accuse her of being anything but the scientific mind of this generation!
Jesus in a robe worshiping to a higher dildo tells me that this year’s Gathering of the Juggalos is going to be an especially spiritual experience.
It’s the most beautiful time of the year again! It’s time for the annual Gathering of the Juggalos, which is like Coachella but with a million times more glamour, demureness and refinement. For the past 7 years, the Gathering of the Juggalos was held at Cave-In-Rock, Illinois, but the CDC, Corey Stoll in a busted wig and Hazmat had to shut it down, quarantine it and burn the soil after a demon monster made of Faygo and herpes pus was found. Yes, The Strain is a documentary. So this year, the Juggalos and Juggalettes have gathered at the Legend Valley Music Venue in Thornville, Ohio where they’ll politely sip chamomile tea while listening to the easy listening styles of their idols the Insane Clown Posse and reminiscing about the time they almost murdered Tila Tequila. Or they’ll get plastered on Fagyo and battery acid, punch each other’s eyeballs out in the mosh pit, 69 in the Port-A-Potties and laugh about the time they almost murdered Tila Tequila.
Yesterday was the first day of the Gathering of the Juggalos, so I’m sure there’s much more class and beauty to come. Westword has a ton of pictures, but I’ve thrown in a few pictures below. WARNING: These pictures are NSFW, because there’s nipples and there’s a one hundred percent chance that you’ll get hit in the eyes with a FUPA and it’ll leave you out of commission for the rest of the day. Glamour all up in this bitch!
The normally timid and reserved Nicki Minaj teased the release of her new single “Anaconda” by posting the artwork to Instagram today, and it truly is an example of refined elegance and chaste beauty. In keeping with the snake theme, Nicki wrapped her butter-basted honey baked silicone butt hams in pink rubber bands to mimic a giant anaconda attempting to swallow an over-inflated PogoBall. It’s a bit subtle, but understated imagery has always been a defining characteristic of her work. While a less-modest woman might have agreed to take a raunchy picture with her legs open or her pussy-out, Nicki decided to keep it classy by coyly turning her coochie away from the camera, as if to say: “Let’s leave a little something to the imagination, shall we?” My goodness, such a tease!
And even though it looks trés gauche next to such a demure lady, it’s a good thing she added the parental advisory warning to the lower right-hand corner, otherwise people might mistake it for an advertisement for a finishing school. Of course, Nicki Minja isn’t always such a tasteful classy woman; sometimes (read: all the fucking time) she’s a shady wig-snatching bitch. Like when she took to Twitter yesterday to take some not-so-subtle swipes at Australian rapper Iggy Azalea.
If Nicki is truly striving for greatness, she should have called a bitch out by name. It’s too easy to Twitter hiss in someone’s general direction; you’ve got to challenge yourself! Don’t be cutting corners, Nicki – continue to strive for cunty greatness! Go for the froat next time!
Last month, Ron Teblo, an author and investigator who’s been trying to expose The Long Island Medium’s con artist ways for a while, gave Radar testimonies from former employees and customers of Theresa Caputo who claim that she’s got the psychic skills of a taxidermy cat in a turban and uses tricks to fool people. Theresa’s former employees claimed that before a reading, she gets her people to do research on the dead loved one and uses her stunningly exquisite Wite-Out nails to pull shit out of her ass. In a video Ron made for his site SciFake (via Radar), he claims that Cassandra Cales, the sister of Stacy Peterson, who’s been missing since 2007, wrote him on Facebook and told him about her reading with The Long Island Medium. If your psychic abilities are telling you that the reading was a mess, congratulations! You’re more gifted than The Long Island Medium!
Stacy Peterson went missing in 2007 and her bloated piss bag of a husband Drew Peterson probably had everything to do with it. Drew is serving a 38 year sentence in prison after he was found guilty of murdering his third wife Kathleen Savio. Cassandra told Ron that for months and months, The Long Island Medium’s people kept bothering her to come on her reality shit show for a reading. Cassandra finally gave in and flew to NYC. The session was taped for The Long Island Medium, but it never aired, because it was a wreck from start to finish. Cassandra says that Theresa Caputo gave her no proof that she made a connection with her sister. Not only did Theresa waste Cassandra’s time, but the Jennifer Aniston look-alike with Kate Gosselin-on-roids hair also punched her in the soul by saying that Stacy wants her to stop looking.
“She gave me nothing. She really sucked and wasn’t hitting on nothing. [Caputo] said Stacy didn’t want me searching for her, to put it to rest. It was a hard day for me. I think she was a fake, phony. And lied to me.”
So wait, if this is true, then The Long Island Medium shamelessly took advantage of a vulnerable loved one of a high-profile case to get ratings for her TV show and more attention for herself. Hmmm… I hear a raspy hollering in my ear. It’s either from my neighbor’s fat, old ass cat coughing up another hairball or it’s Sylvia Browne cackling with glee from the beyond. Her legacy lives on!
Even though Kelsey Grammer is technically old enough to start picking out lanais to which to retire to with a cold glass of unsweetened sun tea and scratching his balls all day, he’s once again putting it on hold for finding soggy Cheerios mashed into the carpet and making plastic poo sausages in the Diaper Genie. Kelsey confirmed to ET that his 34-year-old wife Kayte gave birth to his sixth child on Tuesday, a little boy they’ve named Kelsey Gabriel Elias Grammer, adding:
“Our son will be called Gabriel as there is a tradition in our family of going by our middle names. We are blessed and excited to have this lovely young man join our family — he is magnificent!”
Hands up if you read the words “he is magnificent” in the smooth baritone voice of Sideshow Bob.
Even though Kelsey has six kids, he’s really only an honorary member of the K-Fed Club. Kelsey didn’t just start popping off pepaw nuts in the past couple of years à la Kevin Federline: Kelsey also has a 2-year-old daughter with Kayte, two children with elegant Beverly Hills freesia blossom Camille Grammer, as well as two adult daughters from two previous relationships.
Congrats to virile pepaw Kelsey Grammer, congrats to his wife Kayte, and congrats to lucky baby Gabriel, who gets to hear Goodnight Moon read to him every night by the relaxing, hypnotic voice of Dr. Frasier Crane.
In “THIS IS BRAND NEW INFORMATION” news, a California pilot who once worked for John Travolta claims that the darling of Scientology loves dick and the two had a great, big six-year-long gay love affair in the 80s. I know, what other anal bead-clutching SHOCKING revelations is this pilot going to hit us with? Is he going to tell us that the rug on John’s head is made of skinned papillons and that every Friday night he performs Barbra Streisand’s greatest hits in the Scientology bath house? I need to hold onto something sturdy, because I don’t think I can take it.
John’s alleged former gay lovah, Doug Gotterba, wants to make a quick check by writing all about his time with John’s Scientolohole in a new book. John’s lawyers tried to put a stop to the tell-all, but it didn’t work. The Hollywood Reporter says that an appeals court judge in California ruled on Tuesday that John can no longer try to stop Doug from exposing their gay love in a book. John’s lawyer Marty Singer claims that Doug signed a strict confidentiality agreement in 1987, but Doug’s lawyer claims that document is about as authentic as John’s hair. The judge ruled in Doug’s favor and spit out this stream of legal words:
“Although the prelitigation letters may have triggered Gotterba’s complaint and may be evidence in support of the complaint, they are not the basis of the complaint.
[To hold otherwise] would lead to the absurd result that a person receiving a demand letter threatening legal action for breach of contract would be precluded from seeking declaratory relief to determine the validity of the contract. Declaratory relief would be limited to situations where the parties have not communicated their disagreement.”
Translation: Doug can write about doing butt sex with John Travolta.
Doug tells The National Enquirer (of course) that he first met John in 1981 when he interviewed for a pilot job. John gave Doug the job and later gave him other jobs if you know what I mean (and yes, I stopped typing for a second to make the hand signs for “hand job” and “blow job“). Seven months after he got the job, he and John were boyfriends. For years, they traveled all over the world together and Doug claims he’s the one who told John he should get a beard. John took his advice and started dating Brooke Shields.
“Sometimes he’d bring women along as beards, but he would ask me to join him in his suite and we’d spend the nights together. It was our little secret.”
They broke up sometime in 1986, because Doug says that John was a jealous mess and kept accusing him of doing other dudes. John’s lawyer, who has a canned “deny the gay stuff” statement on file, called Doug’s story a ridiculous lie.
Doug claims that he has proof! Doug kept logs and records! Marty Singer can suck on that, because logs and records are solid proof! When I write my tell-all in a few years about how Anderson Cooper and I have had a 10-year-long gay love affair and together we adopted a ginger baby named Rojo Jr. who was raised by her au pair Shauna Sand in the back room of an In-N-Out, everyone will know I’m telling the truth, because I’ll have logs and records as proof. Logs and records!
Hos making a dollar by selling out the celebrities they boned is nothing new and neither are tales of John Travolta’s Scientolohole, but I’m still all for this non-scandalous tell-all as long as it eventually gets made into a Lifetime movie co-starring Teddy Bear the Porcupine as John’s wig. Teddy Bear really needs a breakout role.